My 4th Of July Weekend
This is going to be an great but exhausting weekend. Dan comes in later tonight with my car. We'll hang out tonight and tomorrow. Thursday I bartend in Brooklyn. Friday, JB and Dana come in, but I'll be only able to pick them up and hang out for an hour or so. Then Saturday, it's Canada!
Acutally, I'm pretty suprised that I've had a few visitors from Denver. Oleha was a few months ago. And I spoke with Rianna last night and she might come in August or September as well. It's gonna be a great summer!
I don't know what to do with myself right now. I should be doing laundry while waiting for Dan, but I just want to chill out tonight.
Eh, I can do it all tomorrow.
Acutally, I'm pretty suprised that I've had a few visitors from Denver. Oleha was a few months ago. And I spoke with Rianna last night and she might come in August or September as well. It's gonna be a great summer!
I don't know what to do with myself right now. I should be doing laundry while waiting for Dan, but I just want to chill out tonight.
Eh, I can do it all tomorrow.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
My Problem - Part 1
There is something different with me.
I have a tendancy to turn problems inward, as a way of gaining perspective to see if there is something wrong on my end of things and how I can change, instead of blaming others or results of my behavior. I'm not sure is this a good or bad quality in myself.
The last couple of weeks, I've noticed a change in my relationship with my boss at work. I've been a little more confrontational instead of taking direction. I also notice how I haven't been paying attention to details. Maybe something is distracting me. He's been poking at the issue, making comments about my "attitude." And my department manager said something like, "He's getting a little too big for his britches," at the end of the day today.
My first reaction(s) were to get defensive. Then I felt a little hurt. Then I became upset with myself because I'm usually seen as a model employee, always doing what needs to be done.
It's bothering me because I've also been showing up a little late to work lately.
(...)
I'll leave off here for now. I think I can sleep now.
I have a tendancy to turn problems inward, as a way of gaining perspective to see if there is something wrong on my end of things and how I can change, instead of blaming others or results of my behavior. I'm not sure is this a good or bad quality in myself.
The last couple of weeks, I've noticed a change in my relationship with my boss at work. I've been a little more confrontational instead of taking direction. I also notice how I haven't been paying attention to details. Maybe something is distracting me. He's been poking at the issue, making comments about my "attitude." And my department manager said something like, "He's getting a little too big for his britches," at the end of the day today.
My first reaction(s) were to get defensive. Then I felt a little hurt. Then I became upset with myself because I'm usually seen as a model employee, always doing what needs to be done.
It's bothering me because I've also been showing up a little late to work lately.
(...)
I'll leave off here for now. I think I can sleep now.
Monday, June 20, 2005
The Last True Role Models
So I'm staring at a picture of Jessica Alba on my desktop and I'm wondering, "How many people look up to celebrities?"
When you think about it, Derek Zoolander wasn't too far off. "Models help people. They help them to look good." Actually, maybe it was Meekus who said that.
But, seriously, what if that's true? A person's image is so important today, how they look, act, dress, what they say, and so on. What if those in the spotlight were all we had left to aspire to? People have their inspirations from others around them, but there is always a more symbolic kind of ideal, a higher ideal to aspire to.
What if celebrities were the last true role models?
I want to be part of this group of people. Honestly, that is a reason why I want to be an actor, which is probably why I'm having trouble dedicating my life to it. Maybe I really want to just help people in the most positive way.
But I'd still like to be in pictures.
Maybe I'll end up being that kind of person, celebrity or not. At least I should try.
When you think about it, Derek Zoolander wasn't too far off. "Models help people. They help them to look good." Actually, maybe it was Meekus who said that.
But, seriously, what if that's true? A person's image is so important today, how they look, act, dress, what they say, and so on. What if those in the spotlight were all we had left to aspire to? People have their inspirations from others around them, but there is always a more symbolic kind of ideal, a higher ideal to aspire to.
What if celebrities were the last true role models?
I want to be part of this group of people. Honestly, that is a reason why I want to be an actor, which is probably why I'm having trouble dedicating my life to it. Maybe I really want to just help people in the most positive way.
But I'd still like to be in pictures.
Maybe I'll end up being that kind of person, celebrity or not. At least I should try.
Where Have All The Old-Fashioned Values Gone?
I was having a conversation the other day about relationships. My friend said something along the lines of how we can never have a relationship like our parents had because women today are becoming too equal to men, in a way.
Now, in all context, he comes from a different culture, so I understand that he means that he wants a relationship like his parents but feels like it's almost impossible to try and find that here in the City.
I don't think he's too far off from that. But that's here in the City.
To make matters worse, I found out that my aunt has been divorced from my uncle for the last 3 months. As far as I know, they had been together for something like 30-40 years.
How can you divorce someone after that long?!? I ask again: How?
Are we giving up too soon? Are we becoming so absorbed in the wrong ideals that we would rather divorce someone than fight to keep the relationship going?
Now, you're talking to a guy who still wonders about the girl he first kissed 12 years ago. And every girl after that.
I still believe in love, but I'm scared for my future. I see and hear firsthand so many people cheating on one another. I see so many heart-broken guys, thinking about relationship therapy after 6 months with their girlfriends. There are people so scared of committing that they propose moving in too soon and end up driving the other person away after a few months.
What kind of a world do I live in? What happened to "Boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, girl says yes, and the rest is history?"
On the flip side, I see a few happy people. I have some married friends who are still together, and so much in love. But there are so many people who aren't.
So I ask again: Where have all the old-fashioned values gone? Why are women so wrapped up in becoming career-driven and independent, that they won't let a guy walk them home, especially when I was just being nice (like what happened to me a few weeks ago)? Why can't a guy see past his own foolishness to dump a girl who hasn't seen him in a month (like what's going on with a friend of mine at work)? Why can't people just get over themselves and admit they love each other and get it over with (like two friends of mine)?
I'm too intimidated to ask women out. Maybe it's my own fucked up deal, but it's not the rejection I fear sometimes, it's a girl who might ridicule me in front of a bunch of strangers... Now that I think about it, that's pretty ridiculous. Anyway, I'm on the subway, and all I see are blank faces. No one's checking me out. Why is that? I'm not a bad looking guy. I dress all right, I shave in the morning, I put on a little cologne. What's wrong with me?
Or is it them?
Now, in all context, he comes from a different culture, so I understand that he means that he wants a relationship like his parents but feels like it's almost impossible to try and find that here in the City.
I don't think he's too far off from that. But that's here in the City.
To make matters worse, I found out that my aunt has been divorced from my uncle for the last 3 months. As far as I know, they had been together for something like 30-40 years.
How can you divorce someone after that long?!? I ask again: How?
Are we giving up too soon? Are we becoming so absorbed in the wrong ideals that we would rather divorce someone than fight to keep the relationship going?
Now, you're talking to a guy who still wonders about the girl he first kissed 12 years ago. And every girl after that.
I still believe in love, but I'm scared for my future. I see and hear firsthand so many people cheating on one another. I see so many heart-broken guys, thinking about relationship therapy after 6 months with their girlfriends. There are people so scared of committing that they propose moving in too soon and end up driving the other person away after a few months.
What kind of a world do I live in? What happened to "Boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, girl says yes, and the rest is history?"
On the flip side, I see a few happy people. I have some married friends who are still together, and so much in love. But there are so many people who aren't.
So I ask again: Where have all the old-fashioned values gone? Why are women so wrapped up in becoming career-driven and independent, that they won't let a guy walk them home, especially when I was just being nice (like what happened to me a few weeks ago)? Why can't a guy see past his own foolishness to dump a girl who hasn't seen him in a month (like what's going on with a friend of mine at work)? Why can't people just get over themselves and admit they love each other and get it over with (like two friends of mine)?
I'm too intimidated to ask women out. Maybe it's my own fucked up deal, but it's not the rejection I fear sometimes, it's a girl who might ridicule me in front of a bunch of strangers... Now that I think about it, that's pretty ridiculous. Anyway, I'm on the subway, and all I see are blank faces. No one's checking me out. Why is that? I'm not a bad looking guy. I dress all right, I shave in the morning, I put on a little cologne. What's wrong with me?
Or is it them?
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
A Little More Conversation...
So I've been searching for Icelandic learning websites and programs to help me learn this language that I've been thinking about for the last eight years. I finally joined an online group, and I think this might be the start of something cool.
(...)
On a side note, I've been having little dreams about Iceland over the last few months. It's really strange because I haven't really spoken the language since I was an exchange student. But now, I have such a desire to learn and conquor this language.
I find myself thinking in Icelandic phrases, and I realize that I remember more than I thought I forgot. Isn't that wierd?
But I guess I really desire to meet someone from there who lives in New York that would meet up with me so I can practice talking with them. I don't know to what lengths I'll have to go, but I think I should try it out.
(...)
Random!: I also need to join a gym pretty soon, as well.
(...)
On a side note, I've been having little dreams about Iceland over the last few months. It's really strange because I haven't really spoken the language since I was an exchange student. But now, I have such a desire to learn and conquor this language.
I find myself thinking in Icelandic phrases, and I realize that I remember more than I thought I forgot. Isn't that wierd?
But I guess I really desire to meet someone from there who lives in New York that would meet up with me so I can practice talking with them. I don't know to what lengths I'll have to go, but I think I should try it out.
(...)
Random!: I also need to join a gym pretty soon, as well.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
The Cycles of (My) Life
Life goes in cycles. I sometimes think that I'm the only one who notices this, but then I realize that is a silly thing to think. However, I might be the only one to sayt this online.
So what are my cycles? They go like this, but not in order:
1.) The quest for learning Icelandic.
2.) The quest for learning something new.
3.) A desire to catch up with long lost friends.
4.) A desire to improve myself in some way.
5.) A few nights of little sleep.
6.) Normalacy.
This usually happens every three months. I'm at the part where I lose sleep for a while and don't know what to do.
Tonight, I started learning Icelandic again. I also have been learning Italian. One thing I have to say that I never noticed before was that Icelandic and Italian verbs don't do any "am-ing", "is-ing", or "are-ing", but rather stay in the infinitive form of "to be." I think that's a huge step after eight years of fooling around here and there.
But I think it will be an important breakthrough in my desire to learn. Next comes verb conjugation. Ugh.
I've only been studying Italian for a few weeks and I'm picking up a lot. A funny thing happened, though. I've been thinking of Icelanic phrases as well. So I'll think of a simple sentance and think the words in Italian, then Icelandic.
I'm pretty proud of this so far.
(...)
As far as work goes, it's been great. We just finished pre-sale so now there are tons of clothes everywhere in bags just begging to be fitted (and hopefully kicked out) of all the little corners in the store. I get scared when I see a lot of backlog. But I guess it's up to me to work on that kind of stuff.
I think that now I'm moved into my new place I'll be spending more time with this journal. At least I hope so.
I also hope to run into some Icelanders soon.
So what are my cycles? They go like this, but not in order:
1.) The quest for learning Icelandic.
2.) The quest for learning something new.
3.) A desire to catch up with long lost friends.
4.) A desire to improve myself in some way.
5.) A few nights of little sleep.
6.) Normalacy.
This usually happens every three months. I'm at the part where I lose sleep for a while and don't know what to do.
Tonight, I started learning Icelandic again. I also have been learning Italian. One thing I have to say that I never noticed before was that Icelandic and Italian verbs don't do any "am-ing", "is-ing", or "are-ing", but rather stay in the infinitive form of "to be." I think that's a huge step after eight years of fooling around here and there.
But I think it will be an important breakthrough in my desire to learn. Next comes verb conjugation. Ugh.
I've only been studying Italian for a few weeks and I'm picking up a lot. A funny thing happened, though. I've been thinking of Icelanic phrases as well. So I'll think of a simple sentance and think the words in Italian, then Icelandic.
I'm pretty proud of this so far.
(...)
As far as work goes, it's been great. We just finished pre-sale so now there are tons of clothes everywhere in bags just begging to be fitted (and hopefully kicked out) of all the little corners in the store. I get scared when I see a lot of backlog. But I guess it's up to me to work on that kind of stuff.
I think that now I'm moved into my new place I'll be spending more time with this journal. At least I hope so.
I also hope to run into some Icelanders soon.