Vexed In The City

I still can't believe I'm living in New York. Even after all this time it still surprises me. I used to remember feeling awed every day by life in the Big Apple -- the people, the subways, the buildings. Everything seemed so... BIG! I remember walking for hours upon hours just up and down midtown Manhattan and feeling so small.

I often forget that I had a different life not even twelve months ago. A year ago I was running a would-be multi-million dollar nightclub. Events, parties, people; everything was always going so fast. Now life has taken a slower pace. It seems to be just bouncing along comfortably.

I remember when I made the decision to come back here. I was visiting my sister about four years ago in Manhattan. While I was looking at the view from her balcony, I secretly promised myself to make it back here. I felt New York was where I needed to be, amidst all the hustle and bustle of this tiny little island.

About six months ago, whilst closing up one of the club's biggest nights, it hit me; I decided to leave. It was time to move on. Even three weeks before I left Denver I still couldn't believe I was going to be here.

Now that moment has passed and I find myself realizing I'm far from my life in Colorado. What happened the last six years of my life? Sometimes it seems like I can sum everything up in a few flashing memories. What now?

I think to my main goal in life: to pursue acting. It seems too far to touch sometimes. It itches at me each day that goes by that I haven't auditioned for a part. What am I waiting for?

Sometimes I think I wait too much. Perhaps it's time to change that way of thinking as well...