Another Saturday Night

I remember when I was in high school that there was a party going on at some kid's house.

I was at home on a Saturday night just like this one, waiting for my friend Joe to call. I remember being excited because there were going to be all these cute girls from school, and I hadn't really been to a party before. I mean, it was Anchorage, and there's not a lot to really do up there.

So I waited. Joe was my friend. We worked out together. We hung out at school, but only once in a while. He was a lot more popular than I was, especially 'cause he was good-looking. Since I didn't have Dan anymore (because he was abroad,) I spent my free time hanging' with Joe.

I waited longer. It was getting to be around midnight. I called his house. No answer.

Then a sinking feeling came over me. That feeling was that I got left behind.

It really hurt because I thought that part of my life where I would get rejected by my peers was over. Even in elementary school there were the taunts about four-eyes, and being a "dog."

(...)

Well, I've since had that feeling. I always wanted to be part of a group, but it's hard when you're a loner. I guess you could say that it's an oxymoron.

I was never meant to be part of a group.

Tonight I have that feeling again. It's not as strong as before especially because this kind of thing happens once in a while, but it still sucks.

What can you do, eh? I wish I wouldn't take it so personally.