I've been able to put B aside this week since I've come clean. I have to say though, that as a precaution, I did delete the posts regarding that. I had an eerie feeling that someone at work would indirectly find my blog and figure out who I was writing about. Call me a chickenshit, but I just wanted to be safe.
That being said, I've been able to put things aside and move on.
So I had a drink with SI tonight, which wasn't entirely enjoyable for two reasons: one-- we had a drink across the street from where I work, and I lied to my boss about wanting to leave early, so I was distracted the whole time; and two-- the chef from the coffee shop we went to sat himself down and kept talking to SI, and pretty much cockblocked me. What was even more annoying was that I was too distracted to tell him to bugger off so I could enjoy the 20 hurried minutes we had before she had to catch her bus.
It sucks that it was the first chance I've had since I met her to have an opportunity to get to know her, and it was completely fucked up for those two reasons. It sucks because she's been "busy" and has put off meeting up for a few months now. And it sucks because I've been interested in her for a while, and might not get another chance like this again.
Note to self: Next time I pick the place. And no annoying cooks.
We had a nice walk home, though she kept talking about being annoyed at how much attention she gets. That's what has kept me from taking it anywhere with her-- another girl keeping me at bay. I can't tell if she's just venting or is also trying to tell me, "Don't."
(...)
On another note, I wanted to hang out with Party Girl, but I don't feel like going out tonight. I just can't seem to relive the not-so-old-days right now. My body seems to send out a resounding "No!" whenever I hear about going out on a "school night," and I momentarily shudder at the thought of waking up groggy and disheveled, smelling of beer and cigarettes. I like my routine right now. I sleep. Like a normal person should. Don't want to lose that now.
She's another one I've had my eye on. Still can't figure out what turns me on about her. We seem to have a little cat-and-mouse game going on where we'll pretend not to notice each other at work. Then I'll catch her looking my way or I'll touch her arm passing her by. She'll wink at me from across the room. Today, she poked me with her pen while heading upstairs, not looking back. I could feel her smile as she felt me looking at her walking away. I smiled, too.
She called me last night on her way back from the airport to ask me to come out, but she didn't call back. I was flattered that she thought of me for that moment, which makes me think she's a little interested in me.
(...)
I guess there are worse things than liking more than one girl at the same time. Which reminds me-- there is a cute *New Girl* at work. Very petite and nice. Mmmmmmm. I'm such a bad monkey.
The whole thing makes me restless. So I do what I only can do in a situation like this.
I blog.
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