A Little Less Conversation

Still getting used to being here. It amazes me that I'm in The Big Apple and it's over a year now. Time moves right along as I walk past all the shops on Madison Avenue. A sensation comes over me.

I am home.

This is a familiar feeling. The kind where you're watching the same movie and it's like the first time all over again. I have to stop and remember because it freaks me out that I could live anywhere in the world I wanted to and I chose here.

(...)

I had coffee with Party Girl after work tonight. It's her turn to buy. We sit outside. I ask her about the guy she's seeing and her face lights up as she tells me how he lets her down. I smile because her story reminds me how I like that feeling of love. The kind of love that keeps eluding you, frustrating your every attempt to make sense of anything, keeping you on your toes about the next part of the story. It can be addicting to be in the throes of desire, at the whims of someone else's fancy.

I listen some more and ask questions, not quite ever changing the subject. There's a hint of flirting between us; a little cat and mouse between a boy and girl. Her subtle passes at me are flattering and unassuming. I smile. I volley back a few suggestive comments.

We joke about going on a date, but the laugh was uncomfortable enough to mean a little more. I pretend to take notes on my hand on how to please her in bed. "Do you spell 'satisfied' with one 'i' or two?" She says it's a bad idea to date people from work. "Well, maybe...," she coyly says while she looks at me.

It's light and playful right now. Fun. We look at each other passing in the halls of the store today and her glance hints at the mini-fantasy she's playing in her mind of us. For a minute I see the same thing. Mmmmmm.

I'm not out of reach for her. Then I catch myself and wonder if it's part of her game. But there's a little truth in it, too. She gives me those things to think about. If this is part of a devious plan, then I like the bait.

I like where I'm at with her. It's tangible, yet distant. She makes me think we have a good fit and there's room for us to play. Everything in our friendship is punctuated by what we don't say to each other. I sense that she accepts me for who I am. That her affection for me is genuine and real. There doesn't seem to be any manipulation in her manner.

No-- Not right now. I don't want to spoil the fantasy. The chase is what excites me. The ebb and flow. It's romantic in a way. There will be time later for everything else. And even if not, it is what it is.

Fun.