The Back And Forth Of Things

So I just finished watching a movie by Woody Allen-- Manhattan. It's a really great film, especially for being 26 years old.

Aesthetically, the fact it was shot in black and white just romanticizes New York City for me. The landscape of the city hasn't changed much in the last almost three decades. But the movie is about relationships (like most movies are,) and that's why I'm writing.

What really grabbed my attention about the movie is how people tend to leap back and forth through relationships, regardless of their being "wrong" or "right." There is a love triangle in the film between Allen, Diane Keaton, and Michael Murphy, who is already a married man.

It got me thinking about my hesitations in love. Granted, I admit I have this tendency to like the "wrong" kinds of girls, but I shouldn't be hesitant to throw myself out there. What's the worst that can happen? I'll probably learn something about myself.

I still hold on to this ideal of falling in love though. I don't know why-- I just still believe, I guess. I don't want to end up the guy who bounces back and forth just because I want to be with someone. I'm holding out.

But I don't have an answer to how to break free of my "pattern" yet. I guess for now I can assume if I'm attracted to someone, it's because something's wrong.

That's kind of a negative way to look at things, but it's the truth.

Anyway, the movie had a melancholy ending. Allen tries to stop Mariel from leaving to London when the woman he left her for rekindles her affair with the other guy. Throughout the film, Allen keeps convincing Mariel that she's better off without him and eventually breaks her heart by confessing about him seeing another woman. So after almost no contact with her, he catches her just as she's about to get to the airport to London.

He tries to tell her not to go but he's too late.

I don't want to be too late.

What can I do?