Oh, The Humdrums Of Life...

I'm in a rut.

I can't seem to get out of bed early enough to go to work. Work is a pain in the ass. (And my boss has been on vacay for the last two weeks-- you'd think things would be going smoothly.) I find myself getting more and more complacent with my situation.

I'm begging for a change. I need a little excitement. This has led me to a lot of fantasy daydreaming, which spurns on my need to flirt with anyone female. Lately I've been turning my affections toward PG, but even this is getting old.

I have to say, though, that I'm pretty smitten with her. She has this cute look she gets when she laughs or I make her smile. We still trade half-glances at each other. It's funny, I don't need to say hi to her-- we just look at each other or we know the other is around. There's an informality between us that I like. I keep telling myself it would never work, but my body tells me otherwise. I just like her. Period. I've had crushes before, but I like the subtle crush I have on PG. It's friendly. I've grown to accept her, despite what I've said about her before.

But that's not the point. The point is the rest of my life. I yearn for something more. I really need to break out of this, to consume my energy toward my dreams. But how? It seems like I'm too tired to get the day started and too tired once it ends. I just want to unwind for a few hours and go to sleep, only to repeat the pattern all over again.

Ack! I don't know what to do about my sitch. It's the thought process that keeps me in the dregs and it just perpetuates the digging even further.

(...)

I finally finished The Art Of Seduction. A *long* read, but some very interesting lessons to be learned. I think the most valid point about it is to remember that seduction is only temporary and only works when your targets are missing something in their lives. I would be an ideal target. I'm unhappy with my life. I fantasize about every aspect, where I want to go, whom I want to love, and who I want to become. There's a lot of room for me to be seduced. I desire this, too, but really all I want is to get on the right track with myself. I feel like I'm walking next to the road I'm supposed to be on but I don't know how to step over to the right path.

This ultimately frustrates me.

(...)

On a lighter note, B's birthday is coming up. That should be a little fun.