Cut To The Chase

I must be a glutton for punishment.

I mean, really, why else would I count on Party Girl to make good on her invitation to me? Frankly, I think she purposely over-extends herself because she wants to be a nice person. This isn't the first time, either. And I shouldn't let it disappoint me, but it does. A little.

PG is only a work friend. Someone to have lunch with. And the occassional post-work coffee. I think I should just really work on abandoning my feelings toward her and leave it there. This is why it would never work between us. There would be a lot of disappoinment. I understand now why Staten Island is so guarded. Actually, it's why everyone I work with is so guarded.

It's a slightly different atmosphere than I'm used to. Working in bars and clubs, you can get attatched to people a lot easier because a lot of boundries that exist in the white-collar world simply aren't there. That, and there's the alcohol.

But you have to be guarded to work where I do. So many people come and go. And when you're in my situation, where you like someone who just isn't available to you, you lose sense of the truth because you see them all the time.

What's sad is that I like her more than she likes me. If she likes me at all. What's worse is that she knows. Which probably explains the snuff. I can't get angry about it or take it personally. It's not my shortcoming. I can't help liking her, either. It's probably the only way she knows how to deal with unwanted affections.

It doesn't make the situation better or right, but I need to accept that she's trying to tell me to back off. "It's not you, it's me." Yadda yadda yadda.

She likes me as a friend. That's it. End of story. And she's being nice about it.

Now it's my move.