Ick. I'm moving into that familiar territory with PG. We all know it. It's that limbo in a crush/friendship that can go either way. Many, many loves have been lost in this territory, never to be seen again. It's love's DMZ. The front-line where many battles are fought and many a flame gets extinguished by enemy fire.
The Friend Zone.
We had coffee tonight. She gave me shit for not telling her I was going on vacation when I inadvertently called work and she answered at the reception desk. I got flush for a few minutes, stopping to think about whether or not she really liked me. She argued that there were a few phone calls made, but my phone was "out of service." It was probably when I was flying. Okay. I'll bite. I was a little flattered that she took the time to give me shit. If anything, she cares, right?
Our conversation over Starbuck's moved onto the ex-boyfriend/current boyfriend topic. I went Amber Alert. I tried not to delve into my opinions much, just kept asking her questions and listening. The back of my mind started to detach my feelings toward her. I didn't want to travel to the Friend Zone. Not today. I wanted to have a cup of coffee, drop off my present, and go home with another chance to daydream.
I would not get that chance today.
We talked some more as I walked her home. She took my arm and asked me why I wouldn't tell her about what I thought of current boyfriend. I sensed a trap. Do I tell her how I really feel?
No. Made this mistake before. The only thing that comes from this is a wounded heart and a bruised ego. Nah. I'll hold on to my current position. I deftly dodged her bullet with a pretty good reply which was all true, hold the I-like-you-argument.
Me: "I don't feel it's any of my business to tell you about your love life."
Her: "Why? You're my friend and I value your opinion."
Me: "Yeah, but it won't matter what I tell you. You're gonna do what you want anyway."
I told her vaguely about my past relationships. I was being general about liking the "wrong" girl. "I always seem to like these girls who either have boyfriends, party too much, do drugs--"
"What if I did a lot of drugs," she asked, half-smiling.
"Why? Are you trying to make me want you more?"
Oops. Did I just slip? Or did she? Maybe we both did. Her question seemed to say, I know that you like me; I kinda like you, too. It was her tone that affirmed it for me.
We talked about my relationship with Angela. I was mentioning how I hadn't expected us to be more than friends because I didn't think I was her type. I was kind of alluding to PG and I because that is the way it seems to be unfolding for me. She said "See, you just never know," in a way that made me think that she's got me somewhere on her list.
I walked her to her building. Ironically, she lives a floor above where my sister used to live. PG invited me up for a minute, which I didn't expect. Her roommate, The Intern, was home. I chatted with them both.
Intern asked if I was seeing someone. "We'll, you're lookin' at 'em," I said. PG laughed, as if to say, That was not too obvious. Or subtle. I recovered. "Both of you, I mean." Yipes. I'm really bad at this not-making-it-obvious-I-like-you thing.
I had some water, sat for 30 minutes, then politely excused myself to go home. PG walked me to the front door. Always a classy gal, I thought as I walked home.
I thought back to Angela and the course of our relationship from 7 years ago. Ang and I went to coffee for a good 6 months. And that was after a year of knowing her. The whole while I would listen to her flavor-of-the-month stories, secretly wanting to be with her. She must have known. We went from once in a while to three/four times a week in a matter of months. Then we had sex for two months. Then we didn't speak to each other for another year. Now we're really great friends.
I wondered if that was where I was headed with PG. Into that DMZ for now, only to get into relationship territory eventually. Nah, I rationalized. She's too busy. She's dating other guys right now, one whom she says she's serious about. Then she's graduating college in May. She out there partying up a storm right now.
That's okay. Things will work out.
I have to wonder why the little voice in my heart "knows" we'll have a chance to try things out.
But not today.
And probably not for a while.
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