It has been an exhausting weekend.
I took the nieces from Italy out this weekend. I was pretty much Uncle-Tour-Guide all day Friday and Saturday. It was nice to see more of the city, even though I had been pretty much everywhere before-- just not paid much attention. The NYSE was new for me, though.
And I got to practice my Italian, in which I surprised myself in that I knew more than I thought I did. It was a neat learning situation-- they knew enough English to correct me, and I knew enough Italian (and supplemental hand gestures,) to help translate what they were saying. I don't think I've ever mentioned how much I love to learn languages, but I discovered that I really do enjoy learning very much.
(...)
I left a saucy message for PG the other night. I was out with one of our mutual friends. After a few drinks we both decided to call her. She answered our friend's call first, with our friend repeating, "You are NOT having sex right now (giggle, giggle!)" I got shot to voicemail and proceeded to leave the following:
"Hey fucker, you aren't having sex right now, 'cause if you WERE having sex then you wouldn't have time to answer the phone, would you? So why don't you do us all a favor and get up off your ass and come out for a drink? We'll be at (the place we were drinking,) and waiting for you to show up. And do me a favor, will ya? Get up off your knees and onto your elbows next time."
I don't know what came over me, but it felt good. I thought we had reached a level in our friendship where the shit-talking could commence. I used to have friends like this-- people who would talk amazing amounts of bullshit to me and it would be all for fun.
Needless to say when I saw her on Saturday, PG was not amused. I called on Friday to apologize for my lewdness, but also got voicemail. PG said she got both messages, but chose to "ignore" the first one.
But I also realized that my recent shift in aggression's because I'm jealous. I don't like the fact that she's unavailable anymore. Mind you, the irony is I didn't really take my chance when she WAS available, but it doesn't make the situation better. I still want her. It shouldn't justify my bad moments toward her, but it's an explanation nonetheless.
And I realized that my little comments are a bit brash at times. It started as a way to "hit back" with her sometimes scathing commentary to me, kind of a no-excuses thing during our bitching sessions. But now I can see when it stings a little too much.
While it's nice to have your friends bring you back to reality, nobody likes an asshole. And I don't want to ruin our friendship because I couldn't keep my mouth shut when I need to. Also, I would still like to explore the possib-- um, no. No, no, no!... I don't want to do this right now.
But I will try and work on being a better friend. I have also noticed her remarks are a little too ambiguous lately, like she's still trying to make passes at me... passively. I'm glad I'm right about that.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Odd And Ends
I just saw a girl walking a pig tonight.
Now it's not weird seeing a girl walking a pet at 10 o'clock in the evening in Brooklyn. Nor is it strange to see a rather large pig. But in the city?!? Do you see the strangeness in this?
(...)
I'm overly excited about some tarp-blue Adidas basketball tear-off pants I bought the other day. So excited that I've been wearing it with a bright orange jacket around town over the last few nights. I seem to love the fact that my pants are tarp-blue-- it's like that really bright cobalt blue that you only see when you're camping. Or if you're looking at my pants.
(...)
My brother-in-law has charged me with taking his two twenty-year-old nieces from Italy around the city this week. He didn't seem too keen on the idea I proposed of taking them to a strip club. It was worth the laugh.
It seems that my energies have been taken up with people traveling in and out of the city. I'm B's ride when she comes in/out of town. The same with my friends K&K (they're inseparable,) and they travel once a week to and from Florida. And I've been cat/dog sitting for different people. Now I'm a tour guide.
I should find a way to parlay this into some serious money-making, huh?
Now it's not weird seeing a girl walking a pet at 10 o'clock in the evening in Brooklyn. Nor is it strange to see a rather large pig. But in the city?!? Do you see the strangeness in this?
(...)
I'm overly excited about some tarp-blue Adidas basketball tear-off pants I bought the other day. So excited that I've been wearing it with a bright orange jacket around town over the last few nights. I seem to love the fact that my pants are tarp-blue-- it's like that really bright cobalt blue that you only see when you're camping. Or if you're looking at my pants.
(...)
My brother-in-law has charged me with taking his two twenty-year-old nieces from Italy around the city this week. He didn't seem too keen on the idea I proposed of taking them to a strip club. It was worth the laugh.
It seems that my energies have been taken up with people traveling in and out of the city. I'm B's ride when she comes in/out of town. The same with my friends K&K (they're inseparable,) and they travel once a week to and from Florida. And I've been cat/dog sitting for different people. Now I'm a tour guide.
I should find a way to parlay this into some serious money-making, huh?
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Glad I'm Not Him
While I was out today I saw a couple walking by on the street.
The woman was blonde, attractive, and bronzed. She was a little too old for my taste, but she was pretty nonetheless. She walked about with kind of an I'm-hot-and-I-know-it aura about her that I thought was interesting. Following behind her was a much shorter bronzed man. He was older, kind of handsome, and had salt-and-pepper hair. He had an athletic build and was casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
But it was the look on his face that said it all. He had a sullen, defeated look about him as he carried all the shopping bags. He followed behind her by a few paces and seemed to make sure he gave her enough room to change direction. He definately did not wear the pants in this relationship.
The relationship I saw between the two of them instantly gave me an impression. My imagination ran wild for a few moments. She's with him for the money, I thought, and he knows it. I imagined him catering to her every whim, buying any and everything she asked for. He had been pining after her for so many years with extravagant gifts and dinners, only to find himself with a sex-less marriage and a pile of bills. He'll eventually divorce her, once he finds out that she's been having an affair, and he will be left with almost nothing. Poor sap.
It got me thinking about why I'm still single. Had I not experienced so much rejection over the years, I guess I would be just like that guy I imagined. Pining after some woman whom I thought would make me happy, only to be bamboozled into an unhappy life.
Hell no! I think I like things better right now, even though the bed's a little cold at night. I could probably wait a little longer to find that girl of my dreams.
(Sigh.)
The woman was blonde, attractive, and bronzed. She was a little too old for my taste, but she was pretty nonetheless. She walked about with kind of an I'm-hot-and-I-know-it aura about her that I thought was interesting. Following behind her was a much shorter bronzed man. He was older, kind of handsome, and had salt-and-pepper hair. He had an athletic build and was casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
But it was the look on his face that said it all. He had a sullen, defeated look about him as he carried all the shopping bags. He followed behind her by a few paces and seemed to make sure he gave her enough room to change direction. He definately did not wear the pants in this relationship.
The relationship I saw between the two of them instantly gave me an impression. My imagination ran wild for a few moments. She's with him for the money, I thought, and he knows it. I imagined him catering to her every whim, buying any and everything she asked for. He had been pining after her for so many years with extravagant gifts and dinners, only to find himself with a sex-less marriage and a pile of bills. He'll eventually divorce her, once he finds out that she's been having an affair, and he will be left with almost nothing. Poor sap.
It got me thinking about why I'm still single. Had I not experienced so much rejection over the years, I guess I would be just like that guy I imagined. Pining after some woman whom I thought would make me happy, only to be bamboozled into an unhappy life.
Hell no! I think I like things better right now, even though the bed's a little cold at night. I could probably wait a little longer to find that girl of my dreams.
(Sigh.)
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Crash, Burn, And Learn
I never used to understand why I wouldn't seem to have much luck when it comes to dating. It was an all too-common scenario: I meet a girl, I ask for her number and date (getting better at that,) we go on the date(yessss!,) then we never reconnect after that (curses!) It would frustrate me as to why things would never progress beyond the first encounter.
Tonight was a little different, though. Although it was a total bust (I'll explain as to why in a bit,) I noticed that I was a lot more observant than I had been in previous dates. And the other part that was different: I learned where I went wrong-- of course, it hit me on the way home, kind of like an, "Awwww, shit!," moment.
These two things alone make everything seem all right in a way. It means that I'm learning, which in turn means I'll have a better chance of "getting it right" for the next time. It also means that my confidence is not too shaken since I realized that I messed up, and it wasn't anything that I meant to do. But first impressions are everything in this case, and the thing I have learned so far isn't to take things personally.
I met this really pretty girl at a friend's dinner two weeks ago. We had brief introductions, then I had to scoot off to meet friends from Alaska (a much higher priority in my book.) Last week, I asked my friend to invite her to dinner and brought along PG as my wingman. It was a good thing because we were all friends with each other through different ways. Dinner was great and at the end of it I asked this girl for her number and a date to get some coffee.
So we met for coffee tonight. I thought we were doing pretty good, but I realize in retrospect that I wasn't as into her as I thought last week. And things were kept pretty short and sweet-- we only met for about an hour. Toward the end, I got up to use the restroom. When I got back, all of a sudden, she had to "get going." I said I had to meet friends for dinner as well (little white lie,) and we walked to our respective trains.
It was when I walked her to the station that I realized that we wouldn't be seeing each other again in this capacity. All of a sudden, the "friend" whom she was hanging out with earlier today (from our conversation,) became "the boy she was seeing." I thought it was funny for a second, then I got the message. Her tone suggested that she was "happy" and "wasn't interested." I wondered why it happened that this detail suddenly switched.
On the train ride home I figured things out. I recalled a few of the comments I had made which poked a little fun at her. I guess she didn't find them so funny after all since we hadn't known each other that well. And I guess I came on a little too strong saying things like, "I'll just put this on your tab,"-- I bought drinks the other night and coffee tonight, though it was supposed to be her treat. And I think I was a little too talkative. So all in all, she must have gathered that I was an asshole.
But that's the best I came up with. I'm 99% sure she's not interested in me that way. And I know now to be careful about what things I choose to say to be funny. Maybe next time I'll try some generic jokes or something.
Like I said, I learned pretty quickly tonight, so I'm not too torn up about it.
Too bad, though. She was pretty cute.
Tonight was a little different, though. Although it was a total bust (I'll explain as to why in a bit,) I noticed that I was a lot more observant than I had been in previous dates. And the other part that was different: I learned where I went wrong-- of course, it hit me on the way home, kind of like an, "Awwww, shit!," moment.
These two things alone make everything seem all right in a way. It means that I'm learning, which in turn means I'll have a better chance of "getting it right" for the next time. It also means that my confidence is not too shaken since I realized that I messed up, and it wasn't anything that I meant to do. But first impressions are everything in this case, and the thing I have learned so far isn't to take things personally.
I met this really pretty girl at a friend's dinner two weeks ago. We had brief introductions, then I had to scoot off to meet friends from Alaska (a much higher priority in my book.) Last week, I asked my friend to invite her to dinner and brought along PG as my wingman. It was a good thing because we were all friends with each other through different ways. Dinner was great and at the end of it I asked this girl for her number and a date to get some coffee.
So we met for coffee tonight. I thought we were doing pretty good, but I realize in retrospect that I wasn't as into her as I thought last week. And things were kept pretty short and sweet-- we only met for about an hour. Toward the end, I got up to use the restroom. When I got back, all of a sudden, she had to "get going." I said I had to meet friends for dinner as well (little white lie,) and we walked to our respective trains.
It was when I walked her to the station that I realized that we wouldn't be seeing each other again in this capacity. All of a sudden, the "friend" whom she was hanging out with earlier today (from our conversation,) became "the boy she was seeing." I thought it was funny for a second, then I got the message. Her tone suggested that she was "happy" and "wasn't interested." I wondered why it happened that this detail suddenly switched.
On the train ride home I figured things out. I recalled a few of the comments I had made which poked a little fun at her. I guess she didn't find them so funny after all since we hadn't known each other that well. And I guess I came on a little too strong saying things like, "I'll just put this on your tab,"-- I bought drinks the other night and coffee tonight, though it was supposed to be her treat. And I think I was a little too talkative. So all in all, she must have gathered that I was an asshole.
But that's the best I came up with. I'm 99% sure she's not interested in me that way. And I know now to be careful about what things I choose to say to be funny. Maybe next time I'll try some generic jokes or something.
Like I said, I learned pretty quickly tonight, so I'm not too torn up about it.
Too bad, though. She was pretty cute.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The Company You Keep
You can always tell what kind of a person someone is by the company they keep. Or, in my case, you can tell the kind of new friends you'll make by the friend you have in common.
My good friend SMG was in town this weekend with her girlfriends. While it was a little bit of a reunion for the two of us in over four years, I had the pleasure of meeting some pretty amazing people this weekend. All of them were young, successful, and real. Just genuine people.
The experience has given me hope in such a cynical city like New York. I'm sure there are a lot of great people out here, but maybe I haven't thought so because of how I'd been introduced to them. Sometimes your friends are like catalysts in that they make or break your first impressions of people when making new friends. And the way these girls introduced me to their mutual friends in NYC made it seem like I'd known these people for years.
And now I seem to have a few new friends who seem like people I want to hang out with. It's a nice change for me after the last two years, especially since the few friends I have are mostly from work. That and I wonder if the success they have in life will help inspire me to find my own.
(...)
That reminds me about how I have been experiencing confidence lately. I've noticed that I've been having little moments of amazingly unfaltered self-esteem, but it only lasts for a little while. Then I fall back into a frumpy mood. But it's such a huge swing back and forth sometimes. I seem to remember being a lot more balanced in life.
What the fuck happened?
My good friend SMG was in town this weekend with her girlfriends. While it was a little bit of a reunion for the two of us in over four years, I had the pleasure of meeting some pretty amazing people this weekend. All of them were young, successful, and real. Just genuine people.
The experience has given me hope in such a cynical city like New York. I'm sure there are a lot of great people out here, but maybe I haven't thought so because of how I'd been introduced to them. Sometimes your friends are like catalysts in that they make or break your first impressions of people when making new friends. And the way these girls introduced me to their mutual friends in NYC made it seem like I'd known these people for years.
And now I seem to have a few new friends who seem like people I want to hang out with. It's a nice change for me after the last two years, especially since the few friends I have are mostly from work. That and I wonder if the success they have in life will help inspire me to find my own.
(...)
That reminds me about how I have been experiencing confidence lately. I've noticed that I've been having little moments of amazingly unfaltered self-esteem, but it only lasts for a little while. Then I fall back into a frumpy mood. But it's such a huge swing back and forth sometimes. I seem to remember being a lot more balanced in life.
What the fuck happened?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The First Step
I went to the first acting thing I've done in almost 3 years today. I say "thing" because it was an improv group of sorts.
The group was put together by the brother of an old friend from home. I met up with this old friend last weekend since he was in the city to visit his family. Long story short, we caught up and he invited me to this get together.
It was cool. The group was small (7 of us,) and it allowed me to be less intimidated during the exercises. I haven't posted about my acting before, but all I can tell you is that I was able to become more free and expressive than I have in years. It might have been due to my excitement about doing acting again.
At the end of the "class," I asked the group a few questions on where to start. I mostly talked with this older guy named Ben, who I gave a ride to on the way home-- it seems that my car has enabled me to make a lot of friends lately (I shall post on this.) Ben and I talked a lot for a while, exchanged numbers, and I offered to meet him up next week to get more information.
The experience paid off because I made contact and I got to practice again which helped my confidence. I still don't know how I'm gonna go about pursuing my dream in the big city, but I'm more certain that I can and will do it. I just have to get started.
It seems that I just did.
The group was put together by the brother of an old friend from home. I met up with this old friend last weekend since he was in the city to visit his family. Long story short, we caught up and he invited me to this get together.
It was cool. The group was small (7 of us,) and it allowed me to be less intimidated during the exercises. I haven't posted about my acting before, but all I can tell you is that I was able to become more free and expressive than I have in years. It might have been due to my excitement about doing acting again.
At the end of the "class," I asked the group a few questions on where to start. I mostly talked with this older guy named Ben, who I gave a ride to on the way home-- it seems that my car has enabled me to make a lot of friends lately (I shall post on this.) Ben and I talked a lot for a while, exchanged numbers, and I offered to meet him up next week to get more information.
The experience paid off because I made contact and I got to practice again which helped my confidence. I still don't know how I'm gonna go about pursuing my dream in the big city, but I'm more certain that I can and will do it. I just have to get started.
It seems that I just did.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
A Desire
In the last few days, I have run into three people I know who are in love. Well, technically, two people-- the third one was a phone call.
It makes me happy to hear my friends tell me of how wonderful they feel. I know what they mean although they don't say it; it's in how they say such things to me. And I know that it's the little things that make them in love with the object of their affections.
I want to make someone feel like that. I want someone to make me feel like that.
It makes me happy to hear my friends tell me of how wonderful they feel. I know what they mean although they don't say it; it's in how they say such things to me. And I know that it's the little things that make them in love with the object of their affections.
I want to make someone feel like that. I want someone to make me feel like that.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Changes
I feel change coming again.
I usually get like this when I am ready to let go of something. I don't know what exactly I will be letting go of, but whatever it may be I hope it's because I'm ready for something better.
In a related matter, there is a luster about PG that isn't quite there anymore. She played a great wingman on Sunday; she looked quite amazing, in fact. But I noticed today that I'm starting to get over my affection for her. Maybe it's because of the birthday incident a few weeks ago, being that it was the last of many final straws for her. I think I'm getting tired of trying to start something that needs to find it's own time to begin. This could be a very good thing, in fact, because I won't be investing energy somewhere it doesn't need to be for the moment-- if that makes any sense.
It could also be my job. I noticed that Boss has taken more care to inform me about what is and is not my job. It isn't anything more than how he's been saying things to me lately. There have been a lot of corporate staff changes lately and that has prompted us to move in a different direction, which is a vague way of saying I need to start watching my ass a little more carefully.
I could also be getting complacent. My friend's acting on Sunday (a play at the Lincoln Center,) was hugely inspiring for me. I was so proud to see someone I know making it so far in the acting world, and it got me thinking about my own path for making my dreams come true. I need to get the ball moving. Soon.
So that's pretty much what's been on my mind. I'll have little time to think about things over the next month because I've got a full calendar of events, friends from out of town, and moving apartments to do over the next few weeks.
And I still haven't gone to the beach more than once this summer.
I usually get like this when I am ready to let go of something. I don't know what exactly I will be letting go of, but whatever it may be I hope it's because I'm ready for something better.
In a related matter, there is a luster about PG that isn't quite there anymore. She played a great wingman on Sunday; she looked quite amazing, in fact. But I noticed today that I'm starting to get over my affection for her. Maybe it's because of the birthday incident a few weeks ago, being that it was the last of many final straws for her. I think I'm getting tired of trying to start something that needs to find it's own time to begin. This could be a very good thing, in fact, because I won't be investing energy somewhere it doesn't need to be for the moment-- if that makes any sense.
It could also be my job. I noticed that Boss has taken more care to inform me about what is and is not my job. It isn't anything more than how he's been saying things to me lately. There have been a lot of corporate staff changes lately and that has prompted us to move in a different direction, which is a vague way of saying I need to start watching my ass a little more carefully.
I could also be getting complacent. My friend's acting on Sunday (a play at the Lincoln Center,) was hugely inspiring for me. I was so proud to see someone I know making it so far in the acting world, and it got me thinking about my own path for making my dreams come true. I need to get the ball moving. Soon.
So that's pretty much what's been on my mind. I'll have little time to think about things over the next month because I've got a full calendar of events, friends from out of town, and moving apartments to do over the next few weeks.
And I still haven't gone to the beach more than once this summer.
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