Fun Weekend. Still Infatuated.

It has been an exhausting weekend.

I took the nieces from Italy out this weekend. I was pretty much Uncle-Tour-Guide all day Friday and Saturday. It was nice to see more of the city, even though I had been pretty much everywhere before-- just not paid much attention. The NYSE was new for me, though.

And I got to practice my Italian, in which I surprised myself in that I knew more than I thought I did. It was a neat learning situation-- they knew enough English to correct me, and I knew enough Italian (and supplemental hand gestures,) to help translate what they were saying. I don't think I've ever mentioned how much I love to learn languages, but I discovered that I really do enjoy learning very much.

(...)

I left a saucy message for PG the other night. I was out with one of our mutual friends. After a few drinks we both decided to call her. She answered our friend's call first, with our friend repeating, "You are NOT having sex right now (giggle, giggle!)" I got shot to voicemail and proceeded to leave the following:

"Hey fucker, you aren't having sex right now, 'cause if you WERE having sex then you wouldn't have time to answer the phone, would you? So why don't you do us all a favor and get up off your ass and come out for a drink? We'll be at (the place we were drinking,) and waiting for you to show up. And do me a favor, will ya? Get up off your knees and onto your elbows next time."

I don't know what came over me, but it felt good. I thought we had reached a level in our friendship where the shit-talking could commence. I used to have friends like this-- people who would talk amazing amounts of bullshit to me and it would be all for fun.

Needless to say when I saw her on Saturday, PG was not amused. I called on Friday to apologize for my lewdness, but also got voicemail. PG said she got both messages, but chose to "ignore" the first one.

But I also realized that my recent shift in aggression's because I'm jealous. I don't like the fact that she's unavailable anymore. Mind you, the irony is I didn't really take my chance when she WAS available, but it doesn't make the situation better. I still want her. It shouldn't justify my bad moments toward her, but it's an explanation nonetheless.

And I realized that my little comments are a bit brash at times. It started as a way to "hit back" with her sometimes scathing commentary to me, kind of a no-excuses thing during our bitching sessions. But now I can see when it stings a little too much.

While it's nice to have your friends bring you back to reality, nobody likes an asshole. And I don't want to ruin our friendship because I couldn't keep my mouth shut when I need to. Also, I would still like to explore the possib-- um, no. No, no, no!... I don't want to do this right now.

But I will try and work on being a better friend. I have also noticed her remarks are a little too ambiguous lately, like she's still trying to make passes at me... passively. I'm glad I'm right about that.