Fork In The Road

Dinner was nice. Comfortable, even.

We decided on a restaurant in her neighborhood instead. Traffic was horrendous on the way there, so I figured it was better than trying to fight to get into the city at this time of night.

We talked over pork, eggrolls, and kimchi (sp?), while sipping green tea in this cozy little place. Every once in a while she'd mumble over the restaurant ambiance and I'd have to make out what she was trying to say, but I figured that we might be still a little shy around each other.

I kept wondering if I would ever get beyond this phase and onto something more intimate, but I just don't know. She seems to have a pretty busy life and travels quite a bit. There was something about her going to London sometime soon, but she told me not to ask about any details. Made me wonder if she's got a few other men in her life at the moment.

I recognized this feeling I had in the back of my mind. Yes. She does. Don't count on anything serious developing here. Just friends is all you can hope for.

Bummer. But at least I found out.

Truth is, I like hanging out with her, despite all that. But now comes the part where I need to decide how I want her to fit in with my life. I have a tendency to make time for women who don't have that kind of interest in me, and while I genuinely like this girl, it would be wise to step down a bit and re-think things again. I guess I'm still looking for someone special, and although I shouldn't worry too much about that part, I tend to get lonely sometimes. And all of my other girlfriends have significant others in their lives right now, which makes it hard for a guy when he wants female companionship. Especially around the holidays.

This puts me at a quandary. Which path will I decide to walk down with her?

We finished off the night with a little ice cream while I walked her to work. "We have a few things in common, don't we," she said, remarking on the fact that we both like mint-chip and Vietnamese Pho. "Yeah, I guess we do," I said back. As we walked down Carmine Street, she pointed out a few more Asian places she wanted to go with me to. "Maybe someday we can go all out and do a five-star place," she said.

Yeah. I would like that. And that's what confuses me a bit. I'm not quite sure how I fit into her life right now. I know that she likes me, and there's the feeling that it's more than just casually. But how do I explain the fact that she has a lot of guy friends? And I don't want to come right out and ask her-- it would spoil the illusion, so to speak. 'Cause it is an illusion right now. For me, anyway. Here is a woman that I barely know, who I'm interested in, who I'm not sure wants me. I get the impression that she sways back and forth where I'm concerned. Maybe she hasn't decided if she wants to get to know me more intimately yet. I don't know.

That's why I'm not sure if I should make plans with her this Friday. It wouldn't be a date-- there will be a girlfriend of hers coming along. But I would like to see her before she goes off on another trip again.

Ugh. Matters of the heart. And mind.

Truthfully, I don't have to decide right now. But my journey gets closer to that fork in the road. And I hope that this time I'll choose wisely.