Moving On

My last day will be Friday.

I accepted an offer today. It's not the one I was hoping for, but it's definitely a good one. There's no issue of a "transition period" because we're slow right now. My replacement will start Monday, no worries.

I'm not sure why Boss didn't really put up a fight this time. I seem to think he was trying to call my bluff to see if I was serious. He started making jokes, as he always does, about me leaving. I guess that's his way of saying goodbye.

I asked my GM not to make an announcement. Personal reasons, I guess. I'm uncomfortable with goodbyes, and I don't want Friday to be weird. She'll announce it Saturday, when I'm off. Plus I'm at ends with a few people right now and I think this would just be the best thing for everyone.

One of them is still PG. We're still not talking. Not looking. Not anything. I still catch her avoiding glances-- she catches mine. We've graduated into the gloss-over-walk-by kinds of passings now. I met eyes with her once, and we locked glances for a moment, but that was that.

What puzzles me is that I texted her last week for her to stop being upset and for us to stop fighting. I'm not surprised that she didn't respond. But I thought we would at least be talking by now.

But the more and more I went through the history of our friendship-- good, bad, and all in-between, it just sucks that we should end like this. We should be cracking jokes and sharing lunch for our last few days together. And it's more than that. I have never felt that I mattered that much to her, not since that first day we met.

And so, in a way, I'm fine we're not speaking. Until that changes, I'm not giving in anymore. I care for her, sure, but I'm done. Maybe a little separation will do us some good. I did everything, made every effort-- both times. That's enough. It's sad that I might have to let a friendship go because of this, but I think I'll be fine with it. It's the lesson that will be important this time.

I was taking the train with a new co-worker who just started and she asked me why I wasn't in a relationship at the moment. I replied that I realized where I went wrong in the past and I am now willing to change. And it's girls like PG and the way I've let them treat me that account for a lot of my misery over the last 10 years. I even saw a photo of another girl, KD, from my distant past. Same story. I liked them, they didn't like me back, and I kept trying until it hurt. Sometimes it hurt too much. And even when it hurt, I didn't stop trying. I went too far sometimes.

It's the process of moving on that I need to improve upon. I have moved on from these women. Eventually. But I'm getting the hang of things. I have to be a little more guarded next time. And I can't keep expecting friendship to turn into romance.


So, two more days. And then a little vacay before I start my new job. Perhaps Offer #3 will call. We'll see. Fingers crossed.