The Principle Of Things

The anticipation is killing me!

I'm a few days away from an interview (this Wednesday,) and I'm already ready to leave. I haven't even landed the job, much less gone to the "audition," and I want to get the hell outta there.

I'm getting Two-Weeks-Notice-Syndrome, that all-too common disease that plagues us when we know we're leaving a job. You just stop caring about doing your job 100% because you're outta there in a matter of days/weeks.

I started noticing the other day. I'm becoming more complacent at work. I've started to allow myself to get distracted. Letting things slip. It's too early to know, yet I think I'm ready to call it quits.

Truth is, I do care. I have to do my best to fight this because nothing has been offered or guaranteed yet. I don't even know if I'll accept this position.

I don't think that's the only thing bothering me lately. Something else that's been getting on my nerves is the fact that B has been in contact with her ex-- the very same guy that almost cost us our friendship. 10 months ago it was all about how he was such an asshole, blah, blah, blah... And their break-up made conflict with our friendship, all because of which "side" I was on.

Now, all of a sudden, they're talking regularly. They're hiding behind the premise of "working together," because they really don't have to communicate with each other outside of a professional e-mail. And today I was asked by him to bring her $40.00 because he owed her money for gloves that she bought for him the other day.

Gloves? I have a big problem with this. I'll just get down to the point-- this was a guy who supposedly cheated on her, caused her a lot of hurt, and caused me a lot of hurt in the process, and she's going to go out of her way to do him a favor. What's the big deal?, you may ask. She has no business doing something like this! Mind you, she's supposed to be "done" with him, she has a new boyfriend, and we all "work" together. But this is really about her wanting to do this. To me, this means that she's willing to take him back. It might not make any sense, but it's one of those give-them-an-inch kinds of things.

The other thing is that if they do get back together, even for a minute, then it means that he wins. He's the asshole, he did the deed, and he still gets the girl.

And I think it's that part of the story that hurts someone like me. I wouldn't ever hurt a woman in that way. I've made my (somewhat smaller) mistakes with women, and they've always made it a point to make sure I know that I've scorned them. I've always had to pay. But guys like him, they always get off scott-free.

So in a round-about way, I'm upset with doing this "favor" for them even though it has nothing at all to do with me, except for something that I tend to believe in. And I'm upset with it because of principle.

Which is something I've noticed that sets me apart from a lot of people. My principles. It's a trait that I always knew was there, but I didn't realize that it was such a large part of my life. Principle shapes a lot of my beliefs because it means that some things aren't always so black-and-white for me, while others are very matter-of-factly. It's what tends to give me a little insight into people's true intentions, the results of which I tend to find distasteful (as explained above.)

I'm no angel myself, but it's situations like these that tend to undo the very fabric of my calm, little center. I almost found myself seeing red today!


And, speaking of principle, promotion or not, I need to get my own ass in gear and stop slacking off. I will finish this job with flying colors! For the sake of doing a good job, if nothing else.