What The Matter Is, Anyway

"I think you gave her too much attention."

This was Boss' assessment as to why PG and I aren't speaking. I generally trust his insight in moments like this because he's good at finding things out, most often for his own reasons. I didn't even ask him about it, but I figured he would catch on sooner or later and approach me.

We were at a bar last night, work friends and all, celebrating a going-away for two of our managers. Boss had come up to me after observing PG chattering on the other side of the room. His observation confirmed that there is something wrong. His advice was simple and something I like: Just ignore her. She'll come around.

Still, the whole matter puts a bad taste in my mouth. I'm curious as to why, after almost 2 years, is she now deciding to be all bitch about things. It's not like I wasn't obvious (and yet subtle) about my feelings for her. After the incident on my birthday, her birthday, then all the moments after that, I'm puzzled as to why it's becoming an issue now. We were fine in our friendship up to about last week. Lunch every day and everything (though lately it's been just sharing lunch and not eating together.)

Something like this happened almost 10 years ago. It didn't end well for me. It was mostly because I kept pursuing and trying to "fix" things. And it's not even funny how parallel this situation is starting to feel to the past. History is repeating itself. And though I won't elaborate on the past, there's also a girlfriend of hers I like and one I don't. I don't do well with trifectas, so I should just back off this time.

A moment of self-examination-- what should have I done differently?

(...)

I knew what would follow if I decided to stay: we would proceed to get a little too drunk, thus prompting the few of us left standing to drink some more. I would awake in my own bed, alone, and feeling quite worthless today with a $200 hole in my pocket. And to be quite honest, I'm not ready for another unnecessary shortage of cash on account of my drinking habits.

So I decided to leave. Being the fact the we practically ignored each other the whole night anyway, there was no real reason to stay. Besides, I got what I came for anyway-- five minutes with the parting manager who wants to interview me for what could be my next career move.

As I left, Boss called out to me, standing in front of PG and a few others. I quickly waved and kept walking-- a bit dramatic, I know, but I'm one for dramatic exits after all. Gives people something to talk about.

There's always Monday.