The Stand-In/Getting Over It (A Little)

So the girl from work and I hung out again last night. I picked her up from school and we went to a little bar where my friends work.

I was still a little put off about the day's events, because, after all, I don't have too many experiences where a new female in my life (especially one I work with) wants to spend the better part of a whole day with me.

We sat down for drinks and continued our conversation from earlier.

Then, somewhere after we started our second cocktail, the truth came out.

"Well, see, as you know, my boyfriend and I aren't getting on well," she started.

"Yeah," I started to say. I could see something was about to be said I wasn't going to like very much.

"And, well, I have a few admirers I could call, but I just didn't want to go through that today..."

"Which is why you wanted to hang out with me," I finished. "Someone new."

"Yeah," she said sheepishly.

I thought about it for a minute. It was true-- I didn't like the statement, but that was beside the point. It was true about most of my life with women. It seems whenever a girl is having trouble in her relationship she calls on me. And I guess it doesn't matter whether or not I know them very well. Apparently, from this last experience, they just seem to know that I'm that guy.

A fucking stand-in.

The rest of the evening was all right. I don't remember much, because my mind was still back at the bar, thinking of all the cases where women have used me for emotional support. I don't think I'm fond of this idea of being an emotional crutch for these women. Friend, yes. But I don't think I want this stigma following me around anymore.

And if it wasn't for this last girl, I guess I wouldn't have known.

(...)

A little more progress on my closure with The Boss. I started realizing today that despite all the flirtatious gestures and inside jokes we share at work, not once has she accepted my advances. There was the time I asked her to come and join a few of us for a drink after work; she politely declined. There was the time I offered to split a cab with her on our way home from another Christmas party; she also declined, rather adamantly I seem to remember. Then it also occurred to me that she's only called me once not relating to work, and that was to thank me for her Christmas present. All the other times I've called her, she's never answered the phone or even acknowledged why she didn't answer.

Now it could be that she's just a busy woman and has a lot to do, but I think the real reason is pretty simple, and I'm just not admitting it yet: She's not into me.

Why can't I relegate this under the heading of Done, Over, and Let's-Move-On? Because she still says nice things to me. And she still shoots flirty glances. And, truthfully, I'm a hopeless romantic-- key word here being "hopeless."

I know I'll get over it. But not today, it seems.