Yea, it's that time of the year again. Time to look back on the last 364 days of our lives and make bold, new goals for the next 365.
This Monkey has decided to look ahead to his future and make some choices. It's something I haven't done in a long time-- writing my goals down. And it's funny why I haven't because it seems like I can get a lot more done this way.
So here goes:
RECESS MONKEY'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
1.) Do one thing each week to get closer to acting professionally.
2.) Quit smoking.
3.) Drink. On occassion.
4.) Exercise. Run, join a gym, whatever. Just get in shape.
5.) Pay off all my debt.
6.) Start a savings account.
7.) Start a small investment.
8.) Read more books.
9.) Get an instrument and start playing again.
10.) Lose 10-15lbs.
11.) Get a pet.
12.) Travel more. Chicago. San Diego. San Francisco. Alaska. Seattle.
13.) Quit unavailable women (Lucky "13".)
14.) Call my family once a week.
15.) Continue writing; work on script once a week.
16.) Brush twice a day.
17.) Take more risks.
18.) Learn more about NYC. Take a walk/drive to somewhere new once every two weeks.
19.) Become more honest with myself. Dig deeper.
20.) Listen more.
21.) Be more willing to make new friends.
22.) Take on less responsibility.
23.) Laugh more.
24.) Smile more.
25.) Drink more water.
26.) Open more doors.
Since I'm 26, I'll stop there. Next year, it'll be 27.
Okay, well, I'm off. It's an occassion tonight, so I've resolved to drink.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
A Little Less Conversation
Still getting used to being here. It amazes me that I'm in The Big Apple and it's over a year now. Time moves right along as I walk past all the shops on Madison Avenue. A sensation comes over me.
I am home.
This is a familiar feeling. The kind where you're watching the same movie and it's like the first time all over again. I have to stop and remember because it freaks me out that I could live anywhere in the world I wanted to and I chose here.
(...)
I had coffee with Party Girl after work tonight. It's her turn to buy. We sit outside. I ask her about the guy she's seeing and her face lights up as she tells me how he lets her down. I smile because her story reminds me how I like that feeling of love. The kind of love that keeps eluding you, frustrating your every attempt to make sense of anything, keeping you on your toes about the next part of the story. It can be addicting to be in the throes of desire, at the whims of someone else's fancy.
I listen some more and ask questions, not quite ever changing the subject. There's a hint of flirting between us; a little cat and mouse between a boy and girl. Her subtle passes at me are flattering and unassuming. I smile. I volley back a few suggestive comments.
We joke about going on a date, but the laugh was uncomfortable enough to mean a little more. I pretend to take notes on my hand on how to please her in bed. "Do you spell 'satisfied' with one 'i' or two?" She says it's a bad idea to date people from work. "Well, maybe...," she coyly says while she looks at me.
It's light and playful right now. Fun. We look at each other passing in the halls of the store today and her glance hints at the mini-fantasy she's playing in her mind of us. For a minute I see the same thing. Mmmmmm.
I'm not out of reach for her. Then I catch myself and wonder if it's part of her game. But there's a little truth in it, too. She gives me those things to think about. If this is part of a devious plan, then I like the bait.
I like where I'm at with her. It's tangible, yet distant. She makes me think we have a good fit and there's room for us to play. Everything in our friendship is punctuated by what we don't say to each other. I sense that she accepts me for who I am. That her affection for me is genuine and real. There doesn't seem to be any manipulation in her manner.
No-- Not right now. I don't want to spoil the fantasy. The chase is what excites me. The ebb and flow. It's romantic in a way. There will be time later for everything else. And even if not, it is what it is.
Fun.
I am home.
This is a familiar feeling. The kind where you're watching the same movie and it's like the first time all over again. I have to stop and remember because it freaks me out that I could live anywhere in the world I wanted to and I chose here.
(...)
I had coffee with Party Girl after work tonight. It's her turn to buy. We sit outside. I ask her about the guy she's seeing and her face lights up as she tells me how he lets her down. I smile because her story reminds me how I like that feeling of love. The kind of love that keeps eluding you, frustrating your every attempt to make sense of anything, keeping you on your toes about the next part of the story. It can be addicting to be in the throes of desire, at the whims of someone else's fancy.
I listen some more and ask questions, not quite ever changing the subject. There's a hint of flirting between us; a little cat and mouse between a boy and girl. Her subtle passes at me are flattering and unassuming. I smile. I volley back a few suggestive comments.
We joke about going on a date, but the laugh was uncomfortable enough to mean a little more. I pretend to take notes on my hand on how to please her in bed. "Do you spell 'satisfied' with one 'i' or two?" She says it's a bad idea to date people from work. "Well, maybe...," she coyly says while she looks at me.
It's light and playful right now. Fun. We look at each other passing in the halls of the store today and her glance hints at the mini-fantasy she's playing in her mind of us. For a minute I see the same thing. Mmmmmm.
I'm not out of reach for her. Then I catch myself and wonder if it's part of her game. But there's a little truth in it, too. She gives me those things to think about. If this is part of a devious plan, then I like the bait.
I like where I'm at with her. It's tangible, yet distant. She makes me think we have a good fit and there's room for us to play. Everything in our friendship is punctuated by what we don't say to each other. I sense that she accepts me for who I am. That her affection for me is genuine and real. There doesn't seem to be any manipulation in her manner.
No-- Not right now. I don't want to spoil the fantasy. The chase is what excites me. The ebb and flow. It's romantic in a way. There will be time later for everything else. And even if not, it is what it is.
Fun.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Okay, That Was Awkward...
So the girl from Christmas Eve was there again last night.
My whole weekend was going fine, then she shows up.
It was as if she was put here by a higher power to taunt me. Someone up there said, "Okay, let's taunt Monkey-Boy over here by putting in front of him a beautiful girl who isn't available and make her friends with his sister so she could invite her to Christmas. Then, just for kicks, we'll make her boyfriend a semi-recovering jerk (who won't invite her to his parent's house for the holiday, forcing her to the same Christmas party Recess Monkey is at,) and we'll throw in a little jealousy and see what happens... Boy, that's gonna be a lot of fun."
The whole night we're avoiding each other aside from the obligatory hi/kiss. I distract myself by playing with the kids, but it only works for a while. Soon, the appetizers are gone and we're all sitting down on the couch. At this point, since she came with my sister, I can assume that she's told she and my brother-in-law everything, because it seems like the two of them are staying close to her to keep her away from me. This doesn't make me feel good about myself. Then, when we sit down for dinner, she sits in between the two of them, thus making me feel more shut out and like a shit.
The whole time I'm thinking of ways to excuse myself from dinner. I have to work tomorrow guys, so I'll see you around. Thanks so much. I can't bring myself to do it, and the longer I sit there the more I get angry because I cannot do anything about it. And I know everyone can tell, but they're being polite about the whole thing.
The worst part is, I look like the fucking bad guy.
I don't know what to do. Why does it feel that if I did the "right" thing by walking away, then I feel like the culprit to this whole experience gone wrong? And my sister's the kind of person who won't be honest with me. Well, I don't really know, but I'm willing to bet based on how I've seen her deal with other situations before.
Maybe it's my own insecurity getting in the way of things. Maybe nothing went wrong and I'm just imagining everything. Maybe I'm right, and I'll just have to be the bad guy on this one. But I shouldn't have to prove to my sis that I did the honorable thing in the end. Of course, it wasn't the honorable thing from the start, and that's probably where it should count for me.
The whole thing makes me feel bad because I don't know what my sister thinks and I value her opinion over everything and everyone in this case. It would hurt me if she looked at me differently based on the last couple of nights, especially because it was a mistake on my part. A mistake that didn't play out like it could have.
But nonetheless, a mistake.
My whole weekend was going fine, then she shows up.
It was as if she was put here by a higher power to taunt me. Someone up there said, "Okay, let's taunt Monkey-Boy over here by putting in front of him a beautiful girl who isn't available and make her friends with his sister so she could invite her to Christmas. Then, just for kicks, we'll make her boyfriend a semi-recovering jerk (who won't invite her to his parent's house for the holiday, forcing her to the same Christmas party Recess Monkey is at,) and we'll throw in a little jealousy and see what happens... Boy, that's gonna be a lot of fun."
The whole night we're avoiding each other aside from the obligatory hi/kiss. I distract myself by playing with the kids, but it only works for a while. Soon, the appetizers are gone and we're all sitting down on the couch. At this point, since she came with my sister, I can assume that she's told she and my brother-in-law everything, because it seems like the two of them are staying close to her to keep her away from me. This doesn't make me feel good about myself. Then, when we sit down for dinner, she sits in between the two of them, thus making me feel more shut out and like a shit.
The whole time I'm thinking of ways to excuse myself from dinner. I have to work tomorrow guys, so I'll see you around. Thanks so much. I can't bring myself to do it, and the longer I sit there the more I get angry because I cannot do anything about it. And I know everyone can tell, but they're being polite about the whole thing.
The worst part is, I look like the fucking bad guy.
I don't know what to do. Why does it feel that if I did the "right" thing by walking away, then I feel like the culprit to this whole experience gone wrong? And my sister's the kind of person who won't be honest with me. Well, I don't really know, but I'm willing to bet based on how I've seen her deal with other situations before.
Maybe it's my own insecurity getting in the way of things. Maybe nothing went wrong and I'm just imagining everything. Maybe I'm right, and I'll just have to be the bad guy on this one. But I shouldn't have to prove to my sis that I did the honorable thing in the end. Of course, it wasn't the honorable thing from the start, and that's probably where it should count for me.
The whole thing makes me feel bad because I don't know what my sister thinks and I value her opinion over everything and everyone in this case. It would hurt me if she looked at me differently based on the last couple of nights, especially because it was a mistake on my part. A mistake that didn't play out like it could have.
But nonetheless, a mistake.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Why Does The Same Lesson Suck Learning Again?
The night started out innocently enough. I got to the party at 7 after going on a last-ditch effort by my sister to get her husband a gift (she calls me at 5pm just as I'm leaving,) all punctuated by, "Can you do me a favor? Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaase!" In Christmas Eve rush hour traffic, no less. I missed the Cingular store by just a hair.
So, I drive upstate and get to the party. I walk in and there she was.
Talking to my sister is this cute blond girl with a tan. Braces. Big, doe eyes. Just adorable. She is introduced to me and I shoot a look at my sister. Is this her idea of a setup?, I thought. It's just too easy. Cute girl. Me. Every one else is married. Hmmmm. Now my sister has tried to set me up before, but mostly through comments like, "You should go out with So-and-So. You'd have beautiful babies." No, this was a pretty monumental effort. And I'm thinking, How in the fuck did she lure a cute babe out here?
The night moves on. She's from Florida. A waitress. They met dining out at her restaurant where she works. Had a good time. Invited her to come up for the Holidays. So far, so good. I'm thinking to myself, She couldn't have just said, "You should meet my brother. You'd make cute babies," Did she?
The two of us continue talking. It's pretty obvious the champagne is setting in because her moves are getting closer to me. We go outside for a cigarette. She's never seen snow before, which I think is just cute, being that I'm from Alaska. I make her a snowball with the little patch of snow from the lawn. We throw a few snowballs at the tree. We're just two kids having fun, talking away. I was thankful to my sister for setting me up. She set the trap and I went for it. Hook. Line. Sinker.
Then it happened.
Somewhere between the champagne, oysters, cigarettes and snowballs came the words, "My boyfriend and I..." Whoa. Hold up. Back up a second.
At first I wondered why he wasn't here with her. Maybe she came alone to NY. Well, something could still happen, I guess. Maybe if he wasn't...
"...visiting his folks Upstate. And oh, you should see the ring he got me today..."
The rest of the night was tainted with more wine. There was still a lot of light flirting going on. We were having a great time. Maybe the boyfriend thing doesn't matter, I thought. She got really drunk, then passed out on the couch. We finished dessert then headed back to the City. I drove her to her hotel. We walked around for a bit unable to find a bar, so we headed back to her room. Everything was going pretty smooth. I was gonna get lucky. Whoo-hoo! There is a God up there. She looked at me and started to ask a question.
Uh-oh, I thought, here it comes.
"Can I use your phone?"
The night droned on for another hour, her calling him, them fighting about her being in the City with a strange guy, and whether or not their relationship was still worth it. I could tell this was going nowhere. Here I was, sitting in this girl's hotel room while she's lying to her boyfriend, about to cheat on him. With me.
After about an hour of this I couldn't take any more. What the fuck was I doing, anyway? I got my things, kissed her goodnight (while she was lying in bed half-asleep on the phone with him,) and snuck out the door so as not to make a sound.
I got in my car and headed home, cursing at myself the whole way for being so stupid. When I got home, I lit a final cigarette and felt better that I didn't go through with the whole thing. No harm, no foul. I was gonna do something wrong, but it didn't work out. I think I felt shitty because I didn't walk away from it until the last minute, and that was only because they were still on the phone together. Fuck. Saved by default. By a technicality. Not by choice.
My best friend thinks differently. He says that it was a choice and I should be grateful. Well, maybe he's right.
The best thing for me at this point is just to get up, get dressed, and go play with the family today. Let. It. Go. Lesson learned.
Again.
For the seven-hundred-and-nineteenth time.
So, I drive upstate and get to the party. I walk in and there she was.
Talking to my sister is this cute blond girl with a tan. Braces. Big, doe eyes. Just adorable. She is introduced to me and I shoot a look at my sister. Is this her idea of a setup?, I thought. It's just too easy. Cute girl. Me. Every one else is married. Hmmmm. Now my sister has tried to set me up before, but mostly through comments like, "You should go out with So-and-So. You'd have beautiful babies." No, this was a pretty monumental effort. And I'm thinking, How in the fuck did she lure a cute babe out here?
The night moves on. She's from Florida. A waitress. They met dining out at her restaurant where she works. Had a good time. Invited her to come up for the Holidays. So far, so good. I'm thinking to myself, She couldn't have just said, "You should meet my brother. You'd make cute babies," Did she?
The two of us continue talking. It's pretty obvious the champagne is setting in because her moves are getting closer to me. We go outside for a cigarette. She's never seen snow before, which I think is just cute, being that I'm from Alaska. I make her a snowball with the little patch of snow from the lawn. We throw a few snowballs at the tree. We're just two kids having fun, talking away. I was thankful to my sister for setting me up. She set the trap and I went for it. Hook. Line. Sinker.
Then it happened.
Somewhere between the champagne, oysters, cigarettes and snowballs came the words, "My boyfriend and I..." Whoa. Hold up. Back up a second.
At first I wondered why he wasn't here with her. Maybe she came alone to NY. Well, something could still happen, I guess. Maybe if he wasn't...
"...visiting his folks Upstate. And oh, you should see the ring he got me today..."
The rest of the night was tainted with more wine. There was still a lot of light flirting going on. We were having a great time. Maybe the boyfriend thing doesn't matter, I thought. She got really drunk, then passed out on the couch. We finished dessert then headed back to the City. I drove her to her hotel. We walked around for a bit unable to find a bar, so we headed back to her room. Everything was going pretty smooth. I was gonna get lucky. Whoo-hoo! There is a God up there. She looked at me and started to ask a question.
Uh-oh, I thought, here it comes.
"Can I use your phone?"
The night droned on for another hour, her calling him, them fighting about her being in the City with a strange guy, and whether or not their relationship was still worth it. I could tell this was going nowhere. Here I was, sitting in this girl's hotel room while she's lying to her boyfriend, about to cheat on him. With me.
After about an hour of this I couldn't take any more. What the fuck was I doing, anyway? I got my things, kissed her goodnight (while she was lying in bed half-asleep on the phone with him,) and snuck out the door so as not to make a sound.
I got in my car and headed home, cursing at myself the whole way for being so stupid. When I got home, I lit a final cigarette and felt better that I didn't go through with the whole thing. No harm, no foul. I was gonna do something wrong, but it didn't work out. I think I felt shitty because I didn't walk away from it until the last minute, and that was only because they were still on the phone together. Fuck. Saved by default. By a technicality. Not by choice.
My best friend thinks differently. He says that it was a choice and I should be grateful. Well, maybe he's right.
The best thing for me at this point is just to get up, get dressed, and go play with the family today. Let. It. Go. Lesson learned.
Again.
For the seven-hundred-and-nineteenth time.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
The Road More Traveled (For Now, At Least)
Ah, the morning commute. Forget those disturbed mornings of running after the bus, fighting for a seat on the subway, waiting in overcrowded cars pressed up against someone you'd rather not be-- all for the pleasure of trudging to work (then home) in the cold of winter.
Yes, forget those days, New York City.
Welcome to my world.
Just about everywhere else in the US do workers experience the pleasure of driving. Yes-- the sloth-like crawl to the interstate, fighting over the last 3 inches between your bumper and the guy in front, only to have some jerk-off sneaking his way in front of you; and let's not forget, the stop-and-go-2-mile-an-hour pace down the roads, catching every red light.
Brings back memories, all right.
I might be the only guy who doesn't mind driving into work, despite the agony of traffic. I love my car. We've been through a lot harder journeys than this. But I would have to say that it's about the only thing I like about the TWU strike-- the chance to drive.
It would just have to happen at the most inconvenient time: a week before payday. I'm all out of money until Friday and it worries me because if this is any indication of what I will have to face, I'm gonna be a broke-ass Monkey before next payday. And a tired one, too, because I have to get up extra early to pick up a few people from work.
It's not so bad because B has been catching rides with me. But it's the planning from day to day about who I'm taking with me. One good thing about it is I get to know Brooklyn a little better.
It would be nice when this thing ends. At least I can go back to getting a little more sleep.
Yes, forget those days, New York City.
Welcome to my world.
Just about everywhere else in the US do workers experience the pleasure of driving. Yes-- the sloth-like crawl to the interstate, fighting over the last 3 inches between your bumper and the guy in front, only to have some jerk-off sneaking his way in front of you; and let's not forget, the stop-and-go-2-mile-an-hour pace down the roads, catching every red light.
Brings back memories, all right.
I might be the only guy who doesn't mind driving into work, despite the agony of traffic. I love my car. We've been through a lot harder journeys than this. But I would have to say that it's about the only thing I like about the TWU strike-- the chance to drive.
It would just have to happen at the most inconvenient time: a week before payday. I'm all out of money until Friday and it worries me because if this is any indication of what I will have to face, I'm gonna be a broke-ass Monkey before next payday. And a tired one, too, because I have to get up extra early to pick up a few people from work.
It's not so bad because B has been catching rides with me. But it's the planning from day to day about who I'm taking with me. One good thing about it is I get to know Brooklyn a little better.
It would be nice when this thing ends. At least I can go back to getting a little more sleep.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
All Right, She's Cool
Okay, maybe I was a little harsh about Party Girl.
I saw her at work today and we're cool. I guess I was pissed about the whole thing because I'd been there a few times before and that's just how I react.
I still stand by my instinct, I don't like that about people when they blow you off like that. And she is still a flake. But I still like her, and I'm still interested in getting to know her better.
That's something I want to work on this year-- my temper. I tend to fly off the handle or take things a little too personally. It might be my Aries rising, who knows? I just know I'm quick to anger when it comes to personal attacks, comments, etc. Anything else, you couldn't change my face of stone, but yeah, I tend to flare up pretty quick on the personal front. I figure it's okay to tease, but don't use personal information against someone unless it's just the two of you.
I'm always angry for the moment, then I calm down either the next day or so. But I tend not to remember things like that, which makes me a terrible arguer, and a better forgiver.
Well... Temper, temper.
I saw her at work today and we're cool. I guess I was pissed about the whole thing because I'd been there a few times before and that's just how I react.
I still stand by my instinct, I don't like that about people when they blow you off like that. And she is still a flake. But I still like her, and I'm still interested in getting to know her better.
That's something I want to work on this year-- my temper. I tend to fly off the handle or take things a little too personally. It might be my Aries rising, who knows? I just know I'm quick to anger when it comes to personal attacks, comments, etc. Anything else, you couldn't change my face of stone, but yeah, I tend to flare up pretty quick on the personal front. I figure it's okay to tease, but don't use personal information against someone unless it's just the two of you.
I'm always angry for the moment, then I calm down either the next day or so. But I tend not to remember things like that, which makes me a terrible arguer, and a better forgiver.
Well... Temper, temper.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Definately Not Cool
I found out what it is I didn't like about Party Girl.
So last night a friend and I went out to meet Party Girl and her roomie. We ended up meeting at the place they were at, only to find they were leaving.
We met up with the roommate, and decided to go to another place. When we grouped up for a cab we found out Party Girl already took off by herself. No big. Maybe she got bored. Maybe she was pissed off.
So we took a cab and went to the next place. Party Girl ignored me, saying hi to my friend and went along her business trying to get into the place. After about 10 minutes in line, the group decided to go to another place.
When we got there, everyone rounded up for the queue. Party Girl got in front, and all the girls in the group went ahead of us. The bouncer counted everyone in, then left my friend and I outside the line. Party Girl's friend who knew the bouncer didn't acknowledge us and the group just went in without us. I mean, it was pretty cold how it went down. They all avoided looking at us, just rushing to get inside.
My friend and I waited outside for 20 minutes. It was obvious we weren't getting in. One thing about New York City hotspots-- you either have to be a hot girl or be with 3:1 girls/guys to even stand a chance of getting in. We suddenly went from the former to the latter, so we were screwed.
The roomie texted me that they would be next door because the clubs were connected. So my friend and I queued up at the next place. We were outside for another 20 minutes. Same scenario. Finally, the roomie shows up and convinced one of the promoters to let us in.
We had fun the rest of the night. Party Girl had fun with us, too, but didn't mention anything about leaving us in the dust. We broke off for the night and headed home.
The next day at work, my friend tells me that Party Girl said she tried to call, like, 10 promoters to let us in but no one would come down to fetch us. A likely story. It sounded like a bunch of shite to me. That's like saying you had to wash your hair all night. One of the oldest excuses in the book.
But it's that kind of thing that I don't like about her. She's selfish. And she lies. Excuses about why she didn't call me to hang out or why she didn't return my call. I don't know what to call it, but at least I have put my finger on why she's not someone I would like to be friends with outside of work. She reminds me of some of the girls I used to know when I was a bartender. You have to have "something" they want: drugs, hook-ups, money, etc... I have none of those things, therefore I'm not useful to those kinds of people.
It isn't so bad, because now I know what kind of a person she is. Hey, in all honesty, maybe she thinks I wanted something from her, and I'm not her "type." But that's no reason to pull a dick move like she did last night. Maybe it's because I'm not like a lot of other guys she knows and it intimidates her. It's easy to see that she needs constant stimulation and she gets bored pretty easily. And she's one of those that makes a lot of empty promises. But I still don't understand why those kinds of people do that kind of thing. It's just not right. Don't tell me you want to hang out and then don't call. Don't flake on me if you make plans or if you ask me to hang out. It's that simple. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean I want to have sex with you. I would have THOUGHT about it but that's all. Everybody thinks about sex. Big f'n deal.
Ida know, maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe there's something else I'm missing. Maybe her deal is that she likes the attention for her self-esteem. But this isn't high school anymore. Go play Miss Popular with someone else. This Monkey doesn't have time for stupid little games anymore.
Anyway, I got it off my chest. Now maybe I can get some rest.
So last night a friend and I went out to meet Party Girl and her roomie. We ended up meeting at the place they were at, only to find they were leaving.
We met up with the roommate, and decided to go to another place. When we grouped up for a cab we found out Party Girl already took off by herself. No big. Maybe she got bored. Maybe she was pissed off.
So we took a cab and went to the next place. Party Girl ignored me, saying hi to my friend and went along her business trying to get into the place. After about 10 minutes in line, the group decided to go to another place.
When we got there, everyone rounded up for the queue. Party Girl got in front, and all the girls in the group went ahead of us. The bouncer counted everyone in, then left my friend and I outside the line. Party Girl's friend who knew the bouncer didn't acknowledge us and the group just went in without us. I mean, it was pretty cold how it went down. They all avoided looking at us, just rushing to get inside.
My friend and I waited outside for 20 minutes. It was obvious we weren't getting in. One thing about New York City hotspots-- you either have to be a hot girl or be with 3:1 girls/guys to even stand a chance of getting in. We suddenly went from the former to the latter, so we were screwed.
The roomie texted me that they would be next door because the clubs were connected. So my friend and I queued up at the next place. We were outside for another 20 minutes. Same scenario. Finally, the roomie shows up and convinced one of the promoters to let us in.
We had fun the rest of the night. Party Girl had fun with us, too, but didn't mention anything about leaving us in the dust. We broke off for the night and headed home.
The next day at work, my friend tells me that Party Girl said she tried to call, like, 10 promoters to let us in but no one would come down to fetch us. A likely story. It sounded like a bunch of shite to me. That's like saying you had to wash your hair all night. One of the oldest excuses in the book.
But it's that kind of thing that I don't like about her. She's selfish. And she lies. Excuses about why she didn't call me to hang out or why she didn't return my call. I don't know what to call it, but at least I have put my finger on why she's not someone I would like to be friends with outside of work. She reminds me of some of the girls I used to know when I was a bartender. You have to have "something" they want: drugs, hook-ups, money, etc... I have none of those things, therefore I'm not useful to those kinds of people.
It isn't so bad, because now I know what kind of a person she is. Hey, in all honesty, maybe she thinks I wanted something from her, and I'm not her "type." But that's no reason to pull a dick move like she did last night. Maybe it's because I'm not like a lot of other guys she knows and it intimidates her. It's easy to see that she needs constant stimulation and she gets bored pretty easily. And she's one of those that makes a lot of empty promises. But I still don't understand why those kinds of people do that kind of thing. It's just not right. Don't tell me you want to hang out and then don't call. Don't flake on me if you make plans or if you ask me to hang out. It's that simple. Just because you're a girl doesn't mean I want to have sex with you. I would have THOUGHT about it but that's all. Everybody thinks about sex. Big f'n deal.
Ida know, maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe there's something else I'm missing. Maybe her deal is that she likes the attention for her self-esteem. But this isn't high school anymore. Go play Miss Popular with someone else. This Monkey doesn't have time for stupid little games anymore.
Anyway, I got it off my chest. Now maybe I can get some rest.
It's Too Early
Sometimes, you know what the outcome of a situation will be.
I'm talking about when you know you're gonna hook up with someone. Sometimes you just know it will be an eventuality. A done deal. Monkey in the bank.
There's a girl I've been idly chatting with here and there and we met up tonight for drinks and dancing. What would have been a night of cold, standing-in-line pissed-offness turned into a little fun. And there was a lot of that tingly tension that felt so good tonight.
I know this girl is into me. I can feel it. It's pretty obvious to me, though I'm not one to rush into anything. The last thing I want is something like this to turn out bad. And it could. Real bad.
So I'm adopting a new strategy. I'm gonna lay back. And wait. She'll come over to play.
I'm being vague right now. It's mostly because there's so much going through my head right now. I'm going over all the signs tonight, deciphering all the messages, trying not to read too into things. But so far, I like the end result.
All answers point to "yes." Maybe in this case, "Ohhh."
Just a matter of time.
I'm talking about when you know you're gonna hook up with someone. Sometimes you just know it will be an eventuality. A done deal. Monkey in the bank.
There's a girl I've been idly chatting with here and there and we met up tonight for drinks and dancing. What would have been a night of cold, standing-in-line pissed-offness turned into a little fun. And there was a lot of that tingly tension that felt so good tonight.
I know this girl is into me. I can feel it. It's pretty obvious to me, though I'm not one to rush into anything. The last thing I want is something like this to turn out bad. And it could. Real bad.
So I'm adopting a new strategy. I'm gonna lay back. And wait. She'll come over to play.
I'm being vague right now. It's mostly because there's so much going through my head right now. I'm going over all the signs tonight, deciphering all the messages, trying not to read too into things. But so far, I like the end result.
All answers point to "yes." Maybe in this case, "Ohhh."
Just a matter of time.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Been Vacationing On MySpace...
Don't know if I have any readers out there but I've been consumed by MySpace. A lot.
It all started innocently when I logged on to find some friends from Alaska. Two weeks later, and I have full-blown internet addiction. I guess there are WORSE vices to have, but this one's pretty bad. I haven't had so little sleep since I was partying full time. It's amazing how a few missed hours of sleep sometimes feel like a night of boozing it up...
So, my new found love for the internet comes with a price. And I'm trying to find a happy, moderate way to keep my health AND my sanity, but I'll have to see this one out like my other habits-- full-blown until I get sick of it. Good thing I don't have that many, eh?
Speaking of which, I've been getting a little sick of smoking all the time, so that's a plus. I'm on the path to cutting back even further, I hope. And I think I'll be cutting back on the drinking as well. I have to face facts; I don't like it as much as I used to. And getting FUBAR just doesn't hold the same romantic luster it used to when I was partying as a bartender back in the day (yeah, *waaaaaaaaaay* back in '04...)
I started working out. Just a little ab routine in the morning. I'm by no means fat, but I haven't seen my abs in, like, 4 years. Yeah, and I owe it all to 8 Minute Abs. So I should be Herculean in no time ("no time" being something like 3 months.) Well, maybe not that long.
(...)
I'm dreading the next few weeks. Money's going to be tight. I have to go to court in a few weeks for the 6 traffic tickets I GOT AT ONCE. And I've got to pay for the new expensive dentist bills I've just acquired (NOTE TO SELF: Do not let your boss refer you to his dentist, especially if he makes 10-15 times more than you do, AND if they shop in your high-end retail boutique.) Life sucks for me at this time of the year. Without fail. It's always those last few bills that pile up right before the end of the year. 'Tis the Season For Giving (Money to "The Man!")
(...)
Okay... Time to go. I'll be posting my resolutions coming up. That is, IF I can get off MySpace long enough to do it.
It all started innocently when I logged on to find some friends from Alaska. Two weeks later, and I have full-blown internet addiction. I guess there are WORSE vices to have, but this one's pretty bad. I haven't had so little sleep since I was partying full time. It's amazing how a few missed hours of sleep sometimes feel like a night of boozing it up...
So, my new found love for the internet comes with a price. And I'm trying to find a happy, moderate way to keep my health AND my sanity, but I'll have to see this one out like my other habits-- full-blown until I get sick of it. Good thing I don't have that many, eh?
Speaking of which, I've been getting a little sick of smoking all the time, so that's a plus. I'm on the path to cutting back even further, I hope. And I think I'll be cutting back on the drinking as well. I have to face facts; I don't like it as much as I used to. And getting FUBAR just doesn't hold the same romantic luster it used to when I was partying as a bartender back in the day (yeah, *waaaaaaaaaay* back in '04...)
I started working out. Just a little ab routine in the morning. I'm by no means fat, but I haven't seen my abs in, like, 4 years. Yeah, and I owe it all to 8 Minute Abs. So I should be Herculean in no time ("no time" being something like 3 months.) Well, maybe not that long.
(...)
I'm dreading the next few weeks. Money's going to be tight. I have to go to court in a few weeks for the 6 traffic tickets I GOT AT ONCE. And I've got to pay for the new expensive dentist bills I've just acquired (NOTE TO SELF: Do not let your boss refer you to his dentist, especially if he makes 10-15 times more than you do, AND if they shop in your high-end retail boutique.) Life sucks for me at this time of the year. Without fail. It's always those last few bills that pile up right before the end of the year. 'Tis the Season For Giving (Money to "The Man!")
(...)
Okay... Time to go. I'll be posting my resolutions coming up. That is, IF I can get off MySpace long enough to do it.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Dude, Where's Her Blog???
I'm pretty upset that I can't find one of my favorite blogs, The Company Bitch. Gotcha, the author of said blog, was a pretty neat gal. I checked into her writing daily, only to find myself laughing my ass off at her acerbic wit and self-depricating humor. It wasn't all a laugh on herself, though. She just had a way of laughing at her situation. Sarcastically.
It kind of reminded me about how we all need to laugh at ourselves once in a while. Why waste time being so serious?
Gotcha sounded like someone I would like to meet. It's funny how you can get an idea of a person by how they write. She sounded like someone interesting. Sexy. Funny. Intelligent. But I'm still kind of weary about meeting someone from the social online world (even though she DOES live in New York...) I would never be so presumptuous, at least not right now. That would be kind of creepy, no? "Hey, your blog sounded interesting, wanna get together for a drink?..."
I guess it just seems kind of wierd, that people connect online before meeting in person. I don't buy it. But I'm curious, so I got onto MySpace and booked a profile. Found a lot of kids from home and Denver. A few from NYC. Pretty bitchin'. I might change my mind about it someday.
I digress... I wonder if her server's down or if Gotcha decided to delete her blog? I wonder why? Maybe Perky found out and decided to use it against her, so she had to destroy all evidence? Maybe Ex-Boyfriend found out and got really pissed? Eh, who knows...
Or maybe it's a ploy to develop a larger fan base... Hmmmmm... Pretty clever.
Anyway, I'm still kind of miffed that I can't read the blog. Too bad.
I was a fan...
It kind of reminded me about how we all need to laugh at ourselves once in a while. Why waste time being so serious?
Gotcha sounded like someone I would like to meet. It's funny how you can get an idea of a person by how they write. She sounded like someone interesting. Sexy. Funny. Intelligent. But I'm still kind of weary about meeting someone from the social online world (even though she DOES live in New York...) I would never be so presumptuous, at least not right now. That would be kind of creepy, no? "Hey, your blog sounded interesting, wanna get together for a drink?..."
I guess it just seems kind of wierd, that people connect online before meeting in person. I don't buy it. But I'm curious, so I got onto MySpace and booked a profile. Found a lot of kids from home and Denver. A few from NYC. Pretty bitchin'. I might change my mind about it someday.
I digress... I wonder if her server's down or if Gotcha decided to delete her blog? I wonder why? Maybe Perky found out and decided to use it against her, so she had to destroy all evidence? Maybe Ex-Boyfriend found out and got really pissed? Eh, who knows...
Or maybe it's a ploy to develop a larger fan base... Hmmmmm... Pretty clever.
Anyway, I'm still kind of miffed that I can't read the blog. Too bad.
I was a fan...
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