Okay, That Was Awkward...

So the girl from Christmas Eve was there again last night.

My whole weekend was going fine, then she shows up.

It was as if she was put here by a higher power to taunt me. Someone up there said, "Okay, let's taunt Monkey-Boy over here by putting in front of him a beautiful girl who isn't available and make her friends with his sister so she could invite her to Christmas. Then, just for kicks, we'll make her boyfriend a semi-recovering jerk (who won't invite her to his parent's house for the holiday, forcing her to the same Christmas party Recess Monkey is at,) and we'll throw in a little jealousy and see what happens... Boy, that's gonna be a lot of fun."

The whole night we're avoiding each other aside from the obligatory hi/kiss. I distract myself by playing with the kids, but it only works for a while. Soon, the appetizers are gone and we're all sitting down on the couch. At this point, since she came with my sister, I can assume that she's told she and my brother-in-law everything, because it seems like the two of them are staying close to her to keep her away from me. This doesn't make me feel good about myself. Then, when we sit down for dinner, she sits in between the two of them, thus making me feel more shut out and like a shit.

The whole time I'm thinking of ways to excuse myself from dinner. I have to work tomorrow guys, so I'll see you around. Thanks so much. I can't bring myself to do it, and the longer I sit there the more I get angry because I cannot do anything about it. And I know everyone can tell, but they're being polite about the whole thing.

The worst part is, I look like the fucking bad guy.

I don't know what to do. Why does it feel that if I did the "right" thing by walking away, then I feel like the culprit to this whole experience gone wrong? And my sister's the kind of person who won't be honest with me. Well, I don't really know, but I'm willing to bet based on how I've seen her deal with other situations before.

Maybe it's my own insecurity getting in the way of things. Maybe nothing went wrong and I'm just imagining everything. Maybe I'm right, and I'll just have to be the bad guy on this one. But I shouldn't have to prove to my sis that I did the honorable thing in the end. Of course, it wasn't the honorable thing from the start, and that's probably where it should count for me.

The whole thing makes me feel bad because I don't know what my sister thinks and I value her opinion over everything and everyone in this case. It would hurt me if she looked at me differently based on the last couple of nights, especially because it was a mistake on my part. A mistake that didn't play out like it could have.

But nonetheless, a mistake.