As an uncle, I get a pretty good gateway into the aspects of fatherhood. For a few hours (and a lot of headache) I get to have kids. Rentals, of course. Sometimes it's the little things that can ruin a perfectly good night.
(About the Turd thing. My sister and I always called each other "turds" growing up. They are precious little turds, though.)
Take my nephew, for example. I always have the best time with children, but for some reason, he's the toughest little kid I've ever known. He's like an arch-nemesis, always trying to foil my dastardly scheme to get him to eat right, or be good, in some way. He's a conniving little knave, too. Likes to play the Bargain Game. Take dinner tonight. He wants soda. His parents want him fed. He got a little soda from his dad, but as soon as he left the room to get ready to go out, he stopped eating and proceeded to play with his toys.
Me: "Why aren't you eating?"
Him: "I want soda!"
Now this exchange went on for a good melee, until he stated to bargain with me.
Him: "How about I take 1 more bite, then you give me soda."
I looked at him sarcastically. I'm looking at an almost full plate of food. And a little smart-ass-yet-innocent-smile. He, the little negotiator, really did think I was gonna agree to his clever and generous offer.
Me: "How about you finish 10 more bites, then we'll see."
Now, I think my nephew likes to push my buttons because his Dad is the only one he truly looks up to. I know this. But it still doesn't make up for the shit I have to put up with from him. And he's only four.
Later on, he picked a fight with his sister, just to spite me after I warned him about being a brat. I picked him up, and tossed him in the bed. Turned out the light, and sat in the living room with his shutters closed. He must have said "I don' wanna go to bed," for about 20 minutes before he started crying and calling out for his mom and dad. It was the only way I knew to deal with him. Let him cry it out until he sleeps. Worked like a charm.
I hate laying down the law with kids, but it has to be done. He has to learn that I don't fuck around. He thinks he can do whatever he wants around me.
My niece, on the other hand, is quite content doing her own thing. She's only two. But at least she listens.
Anyway, it's nice to get a glimpse of parenthood and realize that I'm not ready for it yet. Raising kids has got to be one of the hardest things to do. My little episodes with them only make me think about what kind of dad I'll be someday. Only the best kind, I hope.
(...)
Earlier today I met with an old friend who's a working actor here in New York. He's light-years ahead of me (only about two.) But he gave me some good advice on how to get started. He confirmed what I've known all along: just gotta get your feet wet. Start somewhere. Get an agent on the way. Just get out there. He claims that he got lucky breaks with agents and managers. Now he's in a five-man cast in a show at the Lincoln Center. Pretty big fucking deal. Definitely a big break.
I've got to be ready to make that sacrifice. The next 10 years of my life will be dedicated to finding out what I'm made of, if I choose it to be. While I was asking questions and he was responding, my mind kept flashing to all the potential problems I'd encounter along the way. Admittedly, I'm scared about having to quit my day job and going back to the bars, just so I can audition. I want to pay off my car first. I'm scared about failing, but I guess there are worse things. I'm scared about not realizing my dream, but I'm even more scared of who I'll become if I don't try.
If I have the same tenacity with acting like I do with women, then I think I'll be fine. Slow and steady, right?
There is a plan, though. I'm putting things together, little by little. I'll ride out the day job for as long as I can, then I'll put in my notice once things start picking up.
(...)
Speaking of my tenacity with women, I asked out another girl at work to hang out tomorrow night. So far, it's been 24 hours and she hasn't gotten back to me about whether or not we'll still be on. It really doesn't matter, though. If she doesn't call back after my 2nd call tomorrow I guess it's off. But it won't bother me because it'll be the first time. I'm still pretty bent about PG. I was explaining to someone today about how I'm not interested becoming friends with her right now. I'm just too razzed about the whole thing. Too old for this shit.
I have been thinking about her though. I had a little fight with another co-worker the other day. Really crossed the line in a manner. But I felt bad enough about things to apologize and we patched things up. It took just 2 minutes. I can't understand why PG won't say she's sorry for letting me down. Maybe she doesn't see that she did anything wrong.
Eh, don't wanna talk about this now.
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