The Aggressive Girl From The Bronx

Another wave of new girls has come through the store this week. The week hasn't even been up yet and I was asked out by one of them tonight.

It's a funny thing because it seems like over the last few years I've been encountering a lot of aggressive women here in New York. L was pretty aggressive with me (even though that was disappointing.) PG is pretty aggressive even as a friend. (I almost don't have to do any work. Then again, I never really went after the girl-- they tend to come to me. It's not an ego thing. I think a lot of it has to do with me being passive. And a little shy.)

Now here's another one. And I shouldn't say aggressive-- more like, assertive. Bronx (where she's from,) has only known me in passing this whole week. Just Hi and Bye in the hallways and at lunch. We were walking the same direction on Fifth Avenue yesterday after work, so we took a moment to talk a bit. By the time I headed off to the train, she offered to give me her phone number. By the time I got to B's house to check on her cat, she called me and asked me out.

I was pretty flattered because it happened so fast. No games, no wait-a-few-days, none of that. Just: boom. Direct. Kind of refreshing (plus for her.)

It makes me wonder if that's what I need to do with women nowadays. Become more assertive. Just go for it and stop playing these stupid games. If you're in, you're in. If not, see-ya-bye. Then again, maybe I shouldn't do anything and just let them come to me.

So we met up tonight. It was a goodbye work thing for her since she just started with us, and I was the only one who didn't know anyone before tonight. By her second drink we were dancing. By her third drink she was all up in my shit. Grinding my leg. Grabbing my neck. Arms around me. Hand holding through the club. Rubbing my head (and I do have very soft monkey hair.)

It kind of threw me off a bit because it was almost too assertive. We talked on the phone last night while I was cat-sitting. All I could get from her was that she was looking for a relationship and that she gets a lot of guys who end up looking for more than a friendship. It was a mixed message to me because on the one hand, she pursuing me. On the other, am I supposed to think that she's not interested?

So I decided to play along tonight. Since I'm getting up for a date with PG tomorrow anyway, it gave me an opportunity to leave early, which I hope gave her the message that I'm not clingy. Since she was a little tipsy I asked how she was getting home. One of her homeboys would be sharing a cab with her tonight. So I thanked her and left.

I think she's really pretty, but I'm not initially "gung-ho" for her. Now, going with the theory that my radar is backwards and I'm usually really attracted to jerk-women right off the bat (like L, for example,) I wonder if this would mean that she might actually be someone I should be interested in.

I don't know yet. There is the work thing, but we work on different floors, so I wouldn't see it as a problem. But I should figure out if she just wants to be friends and was just a little too friendly tonight because of the Coronas (another plus for her.)

Bronx has my attention so far. She made it clear that she is available to talk any time. And she's made it clear that she's interested in me on some level. So we'll just have to see what happens next.

(...)

On a side note, I am expecting to see that girl from back-home tomorrow, the one I used to like. PG will be coming as my wingman/smokescreen (and to up the I'm-not-really-available-factor; I know, Mind Games again.) Also a good move for me because she'll be a way out should things get uncomfortable. That, and we just patched things up the other day, so I want to also test the waters regarding her and I (another post on that.)

It'll be an interesting week starting tomorrow.

Am I There Yet?

I remember a tarot card reading I had almost ten years ago.

It was a Saturday, and I was working at the local market. There were a lot of vendors selling their wares, but I came to notice a special tent with a sign for readings only $5. I had always had an apprehension about the spiritual plane outside of religion, but this was due to my father's own point of view that such things were "of the devil."

Still, curiosity got the better of me and I took a break to enter the tent. There was nothing special about this tent-- it was your run-of-the-mill psychic expert tent, complete with exotic looking rugs and incense. The lady behind the table was homely with kind eyes. You could tell she was an easy-going person.

She offered me the cards and asked me to shuffle. I did like I was told and she drew the cards for the reading. Judging from her reaction, I had done something pretty unique; I pulled 11 of 22 "special" cards, which was a little unusual for a first-time reading. Maybe she was joshing me, I don't know, but I listened intently.

I don't remember a lot of the reading, but I do remember her mentioning how I would need to overcome a certain obstacle in my life before I can truly be happy.

(...)

I sometimes think about those words when I have days like this. It makes me wonder if I've learnt what I was supposed to yet, because life isn't too happy right now.

But it was only one tarot card reading.

Gestures

I can't imagine that the three cups of coffee I had 10 hours ago should be keeping me awake right now.

I just got back from B's place, where I checked on her cat while she's been away. I had criticized her for being a "bad mom" since she's been leaving the poor thing all alone for days at a time over the last month. Mind you, she leaves plenty of food and water, but how much entertainment is there for a cat all alone?

Her recent absences have been due to a lot of traveling lately, and I offered my services because I feel bad for the cat. We've become better friends over the last few months since we made up, and she's really taken a shine to me in a good way. She also seems a lot happier, which I think is due to her getting over her ex.

Just the same, I thought that somebody should check on her cat to make sure she didn't die, or anything.

She is such a slob, sometimes. I decided to straighten out the little messes that had been left since my last visit, which was about a week ago. I washed a few dishes, folded a few blankets, and cleaned out the litter box. It all took about 10 minutes.

It was when I started cleaning up that I had a twinge of a second thought. Rolled up in the sheets was a string bikini.

I didn't think B would mind, but it did occur to me that she might not jive with the idea of me touching her intimates. I simply thought it would be nice that I cleaned up for her a little, seeing that I understand how frustrating it is to come back to a dirty home.

I hemmed and hawed for a moment, decided I was being an idiot, and folded the damn thing up, anyway. I played with the cat for a few hours, watched a movie, took out the trash, and was on my way.

(...)

On the drive home I realized how important gestures are to me in the terms of a relationship. I think it matters what you say to and about each other in any relationship, but it matters more what you do. And it's the little things that really speak volumes to me.

It's frustrating sometimes, because I try to do those little things for people and it seems like they go unnoticed. I've become less sensitive over the years about it, but I cannot change this part of me. I will always do the little things that I think count between two people.

But I don't think B will disregard my actions, big or small. I think she's one of the few people in my life who do notice these things because she's done them for me in the past. That was one of the reasons I wanted to fight to keep her around.

I'm glad she decided to stick around.

Diner Of Doom/She Blinked First

I must never go to Coffee Shop again.

It is a minefield of beautiful women. Sensory. Overload. Every female employee there, in almost every ethnicity, was. Fucking. Hot. And the majority of the female customers were beautiful as well.

Food was pretty good. A little expensive. Service was good. The wait for our food sucked.

And the bevy of gorgeous women more than made up for it.

Believe me. I used to work in a strip club. I knew a lot of pretty hot girls who danced. But these women-- not a hint of plastic anywhere. Each one was 100% natural, just like my OJ-- a plus for me when it comes to diners (the OJ, I mean.) I needed an extra glass just to cool down.

So I must never go there again, because I must have fallen in love, like, every 25 seconds.

...

I think I'll have brunch there next week. ; {)

(...)

This more than offsets last night, when PG showed up at a party I was already at. It was bound to happen, I guess-- the party was for a co-worker. But I thought the twinge in my stomach was due to the fact that I was expecting to run into L since I was in her neighborhood. (Update: L had e-mailed me when she got back from her trip a few weeks ago. I have not replied or called her back. I think she got the message.)

So, just like all week at work, we didn't look at each other or make conversation. We greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek during introductions, just to be polite. It was interestingly uncomfortable and fun at the same time. It was a small party of no more than 10 of us, but I kept talking to other people and not PG.

Then it happened.

I caught her stealing a quick glance at me. It was in a brief moment and she tried to pass it off like she was looking elsewhere, but it was so obvious. I had looked at her, too, but I made sure she didn't notice.

Later, when everybody else got up from us, there was a slight lull of weird silence. I kept my head turned toward the TV and watching sports. (Note: I never watch sports.) She decided to speak to me.

Her: "So, my friend, (so-and-so,) is coming."

Me: "Oh, that's cool."

Her friends came over. The friends came over to talk to me, breaking the ice by commenting about my jacket. I sat down on the arm of the chair PG was sitting in, my back to her. She reached out and pinched my butt. I looked at PG and smiled, but only briefly, and looked away.

I was having so much fun ignoring her, I almost felt bad, so I decided to test the waters a little bit. PG and I were sitting kitty corner, and her foot was touching my leg. I paused my conversation for a minute, looked at her deadpan and said:

"Excuse me, but could you please stop touching me?"

The look on her face was funny because I scared her. She mumbled "I'm sorry," quickly and looked away. I turned and slapped her knee playfully to let her know I was joking.

It was then I realized that I was still in control of this situation. Whatever I've been doing (by not doing it) is working in my favor. So it was no surprise to me that when we got to the club we were supposed to be at, PG and her girls went in with us, and briefly left a few minutes later. I'm sure she had other places to be, but being around me wasn't high on her list of priorities.

No matter. There were some cute girls from a bachelorette party seated next to our table.

And on their way out they passed me in line for the restroom. Even though PG just walked by me, her friend gave me a kiss on the cheek. That was a nice touch.

The Stand-Off

PG and I haven't talked since Saturday's fucked-up-ness. She tried to call me on Sunday. I didn't pick up and messaged her to "Enjoy the rest," of her weekend. She tried to call me again. I told her "We'll talk later." And that's been the end of it.

I didn't want to take her call because I was too angry for what she did, which was straight out diss me-- again.

But now it's turned into the I'm-not-talking-to-you-right-now game. The last time PG dissed me, I didn't talk to her for a week. She seems to have remembered that as our passings at work have been minimal and we've gone into a "professional-only" kind of banter. Other than that, she will leave the room I'm in and vice-versa. And whenever we do cross each other, we're not looking at each other. Forcedly. It's like a staring contest to see who blinks first.

(...)

Now I'm not really used to this, but I kind of like it. To me, it presents a new area of exploration for my relationships-- tension. I didn't used to like tension. I would always be the first to blink. This was because my esteem depended on people liking me. I would do almost anything to "fix" a problem between me and my friends, regardless of fault. But I realized that sometimes the relationship would fail anyway, and for almost no reason.

Now I know where I went wrong. If someone had wronged me in the past, I would just excuse the matter for the sake of saving the friendship.

I realize now why this is wrong. A part of relationships (for me) is about setting boundaries.

This brings me into how I'm choosing to handle PG. I want to "deal" with her. On my terms. I don't want to talk to her at work. I don't want to talk to her on the phone. I want a drag-out-let's-bitch-it-out-face-to-face, kind of talk.

And I want to win.

So I'll wait. I know that somewhere down there, she wants to talk to me, too, but is fronting because she's trying to be tough about it. I also didn't want to talk to her right away because I know she'd be passing the buck.

And now that it's been almost a week, I also realize that the point is not really to win the battle. The point is also to see if I'm willing to stand up for myself this time. And to see if she'll rise to the challenge.

If not, then at least I'll have my answer.

But I think it'll just be a stand-off for now. There'll be a gun fight at noon.

I just don't know which day.

Besides, a little tension is good now and then.

Why Am I Surprised?

I hate clubs.

It's a strange twist of irony. I used to work in nightclubs. I used to bartend in them. I use to manage nightclubs. I even want to own one someday.

But I hate going to them.

I don't mind paying for cover. I don't mind paying for drinks. I don't mind paying for a bottle of alcohol.

But I hate waiting in line. I hate being on someone's "list," because it almost never works out. (By the way, people, there is no "list." That's just a scam to get people in early. If the "list" is only for 20 people and you're the 21st, guess what? You're fucked.)

And I hate having to "work things out" with the people who invited me and my friends out, just because one of us arrived a few minutes late.

(...)

I've said it before. PG is a different person when it comes to nightlife. It's like she goes from being a sweet, funny, fun-loving gal at work to a total social bitch. And she pulled the same shit tonight that she did 6 months ago.

I'm not mad that myself and the little group of friends from work I came with were asked to leave. This was because we renegged on buying $550 (2 bottles) worth of alcohol-- this was because PG left our group outside when we were ALL IN LINE TOGETHER!

I'm not mad about that. I was ready to pay a cover charge for us to get in. But I wasn't gonna have a repeat incident like last time-- having to wait outside for over an hour while PG feigns helpless.

So I took a chance and told the doorman we were going to get a table.

It didn't work out. We were asked to leave if we weren't buying any bottles. I even got lectured by the doorman with a bouncer standing right next to me. I just let the kid spout off to me about how he was a drug dealer and I couldn't get one over on him. Yada-yada-yada.

Whatever.

I'm not even upset that PG invited us out and didn't even look out for us getting in. We would have paid the cover. We would have chipped in for the table. But it was our managers, the girls from work, and us.

I'm pissed because she didn't look out for the people who constantly take care of her. The other kid I was with always buys her Starbuck's or Jamba Juice at work. Almost every day. The other guy, who was outside, cuts her hair for free. She and I share lunch almost every day. And guess who were the guys left standing outside?

Why am I surprised, then? Maybe I thought this wasn't going to happen. But she made a choice. Take care of the managers and the girls (they had just come from dinner,) forget the others. I'm pissed because she invited us all out and said we were going to be all right if we got in as a group.

I'm not so surprised. A part of me wants to tear her head off. But she's not worth it. I know come Monday she'll be trying to weasel her way as to how much she tried to get us in, and why couldn't we wait just a little longer, and how I shouldn't have said we were going to get a table.

The truth is she wants to have a lot of friends. But she wants to keep them separated. There are a few of them from work that cross over into her life outside. But it just became clear tonight that I must not be that good of a friend to her.

I have my separate groups of friends, too. But I don't invite you out unless I'm ready to take care of you-- just in case. If you're the last one outside, I'm getting you in. If you've got no money, I'll pay your way. Leave no one behind. But we work this shit out before-hand.

(...)

I guess I should re-evaluate how much PG really means to me. I was *this* close to putting all the other asshole shit behind and willing to give her another shot. And maybe I am taking this all a little too personally, but I just feel that when you're making such an effort with someone it should count for something. And I felt that we were becoming better friends.

Perhaps we're just not meant to be the kind of friends that I deserve to have in my life. And I don't have any more room for half-assed friends anymore.

A Year From Now

My latest obsession: Sudoku.

I have a tendency of catching on to fads just after they've gone over big. It's just that I'd rather discover something on my own and choose to like it, rather than like it just because everyone else does.

So I've been spending a few of my idle moments using my clever powers of deduction and mental prowess to solve the puzzles that are Sudoku. It makes me feel smart knowing I can reason myself into figuring out where, why, or why not a "9" should go in a little square. I catch myself saying out loud, "Well, it can't go here or here, but over here..." I actually feel like my brain has started to replace a few of it's missing cells that were lost during "The Seven-Year Binge of '99."

Just a little something I'm doing to try and improve myself.

(...)

I wish I were smart enough to follow my own advice sometimes.

I shouldn't say smart enough. Maybe brave.

It has been almost a year since I've met PG and I can't seem to shake my fondness for her. Even though she's miserable about these two guys she is currently seeing. Her recent melancholy at work has been kind of a turn off for me, but I find myself still wanting to care. And that, in turn, is making me care.

We still go to lunch together. She still splits the bill with me. We're still making plans to hang out and grab coffee. And we're still making plans on doing something nice for each other's birthdays. Hers is this weekend; mine is past.

She is so blind about the fact that I still have a crush on her. She just thinks I'm making passes at her to be funny. And I am. Partially. And I don't know if the "feeling" I have that she likes me back (but doesn't know it yet,) is really just a fairy tale I'm telling myself just because I don't want to let go of an impression I had almost a year ago. Some days I really do believe that it's the truth-- other days I'm cynical and think I'm the one that's nuts.

I still don't think this is a good time to come clean. It would only get lost in the shuffle of her own turmoil. And I've listened to her problems; the shit she's going through right now is very typical of the kinds of things I went through a few years ago. It took me a few years to get my head out of that mess. If anything, all I learned is that you have to ask yourself in any given situation, Will all this really matter a year or two from now?

And that is what I'm asking myself now. The usual answer is always No.

But there is a small part of me that hopes for the Yes.

Even after all these years.

Sweet Dreams

I don't know what's going on with me but I went from needing 8 hours of sleep a night to waking up after only 5 hours. Maybe I finally caught up on all that sleep I missed out when I was bartending...

Anyway, today's call to the Land of consciousness was due to a little dream I was having about work, which turned into me thinking out new ways to get what I wanted. First, I was imagining what would happen if my job had strong-armed me into changing my day off.

The answer was simple. I would quit.

Then I wondered what I would do if they didn't honor my request for a significant raise (have been in the same position for 2 years and all I got was a stinkin' 50 cent raise!) See ya, bye!

Then I was thinking about how I would go about asking for such a significant raise. Arguments like, "I've proven myself," and "I love my job," and "You need me more than I need you," started coming up. And I instantly felt better. Yes, there would be no way that they could say no to that. "Here you go, RM, $10,000 raise!" My plan was flawless.

It was just about at that point when I started coming to. The only flaw in my plan was that IT WAS JUST A DREAM! Curses!

But at least I feel rested now.

Wanting The Last Laugh

I'm a little excited about the coming few weeks.

An old friend from high school will be coming into town for a visit in a few weeks. I would normally be excited to see anyone from high school since it's been almost ten years, but I'm a little more enthused about this one. See, she was one of those girls that got away.

It was your typical boy-meets-girl/girl-doesn't-like-boy/they-become-friends, then-enemies/then-friends-again kind of relationship. The part where she didn't like me was pretty bad. The part where we had a pretty big fight was even worse. I was pretty broken up about it. But I came through for her at a party sometime later and was instantly redeemed. Then when I first moved to New York, she was there for me during my time of need. So we've been cool ever since.

Actually, we've been "friends" since the 8th grade, but I lost touch with her over the last 7 years or so. Over the last two years, though, I've called her a few times for her birthday and have chatted with her here and there.

I spoke to her today for a belated birthday wish and she brought up the fact that she'll be coming into the city soon. She invited me for a drink.

It's funny, but after all these years, I still want to see if we can hit it off. Even though we live, like, 3000 miles away from each other. But I want to see if I can get her. Just so I can say that I can. Or I did. Yeah! I got the girl that got away! I'm fuckin' pimp, man!

It's like I have something to prove. I've noticed that. I think somewhere inside of me is a guy who has a big chip on his shoulder and wants to take on the whole world just because of it.

I don't even know what she looks like or if I'll find her attractive, but a part of me still wants her.

Just to get the last laugh.

Travel Tips

On Flight Check-In/Baggage:
The internet is a wonderful tool when it comes to travel. It is always a good idea to use the online links to confirm your reservations at least 24 hours before your flight leaves.

However... Just make sure the computer has a printer (with paper) attached. That way you're not scrambling to cut to the front of the line to get your boarding passes printed at the last minute, thus angering other passengers.

On Travel To/From The Airport:
It's always nice to have a friend(s) who are willing to pick you up and take you to the airport, that way you can save valuable time and money on public transportation/taxis/airport shuttles. But I especially recommend using long-term parking if you have a vehicle. If you think about it, it's worth the $40-50 bucks in parking for a few days versus the same in cab fare.

However... Be sure said friend(s) are reliable so you're not having to make last-minute plans to take public transportation to get to the airport. At three in the morning. Very. Bad. Idea.


On Dining Before You Leave:
If you're on vacation or just passing through, it's a good idea to pick up a guide to find interesting places to dine. They usually offer coupons and discounts to make your dining experience a good one.

However... Try not to dine at any restaurant OUTSIDE OF THE AIRPORT two hours before your flight leaves. Fast-food, maybe. But it's a bad idea to eat at a sit-down place that close to flight time. (You might be saying to yourself, "Well, duh!," but some people, like myself, actually thought there was enough time.) You'll not only avoid (barely) making your flight by the skin of your teeth, but you'll avoid having to run across the airport on a full stomach. And you won't have to drive back to an out-of-the-way airport the next day to retrieve your bag.


On Flying With Other People's Children:
I cannot believe parents today. It's one thing when you see a parent struggling with an upset child. You forgive their kid's kicking and screaming-with-reckless abandon. Sure, they're not used to flying. Or they wanted chocolate and not pretzels. Or they wanted to watch Spongebob with Billy (who's sitting in the aisle on the other side.)

However... I have very. Little. Patience. For parents who are adept at tuning out their own children, thus subjecting myself and the other annoyed passengers on the plane to shouting every five minutes, getting up to the bathroom every ten, and having a screaming match to quiet their own kids down. And Mom is just quietly sitting and reading her magazine, while Dad is fussing with the twins. I do recommend you purchase an MP3, though. With the volume ALL THE WAY UP.

And I think I should look into those noise-canceling headphones. I think they go for about $50 in the in-flight store.

But so does a few bottles of Jack. That should about cancel any noise.

Whatever

So I'm here in Florida on vacation and something keeps bothering me.

PG is also here visiting family. It's come up that her mother wanted to know if I would be coming to Orlando for a visit.

It all kind of started as a joke when I met PG's parent's a few months ago. They came by the store, and I kind of said something about coming over for dinner. Now it's a more of a question about whether or not it's the right thing to do.

I talked it over with PG a few times before last week. She didn't sound too receptive to the idea. We talked about it again when I landed and I only said I hope to see her, but only if it works out.

So it puzzles me that she would ask me yesterday when I'm lying out on the beach as to when I'm coming over. So I call her back and tell her I have to talk it over with my friends (who are also my ride.) I tell her I'll call later in the evening.

She doesn't answer. I call again this morning. No answer.

I guess she doesn't want me to stop by. Oh well.