Gestures

I can't imagine that the three cups of coffee I had 10 hours ago should be keeping me awake right now.

I just got back from B's place, where I checked on her cat while she's been away. I had criticized her for being a "bad mom" since she's been leaving the poor thing all alone for days at a time over the last month. Mind you, she leaves plenty of food and water, but how much entertainment is there for a cat all alone?

Her recent absences have been due to a lot of traveling lately, and I offered my services because I feel bad for the cat. We've become better friends over the last few months since we made up, and she's really taken a shine to me in a good way. She also seems a lot happier, which I think is due to her getting over her ex.

Just the same, I thought that somebody should check on her cat to make sure she didn't die, or anything.

She is such a slob, sometimes. I decided to straighten out the little messes that had been left since my last visit, which was about a week ago. I washed a few dishes, folded a few blankets, and cleaned out the litter box. It all took about 10 minutes.

It was when I started cleaning up that I had a twinge of a second thought. Rolled up in the sheets was a string bikini.

I didn't think B would mind, but it did occur to me that she might not jive with the idea of me touching her intimates. I simply thought it would be nice that I cleaned up for her a little, seeing that I understand how frustrating it is to come back to a dirty home.

I hemmed and hawed for a moment, decided I was being an idiot, and folded the damn thing up, anyway. I played with the cat for a few hours, watched a movie, took out the trash, and was on my way.

(...)

On the drive home I realized how important gestures are to me in the terms of a relationship. I think it matters what you say to and about each other in any relationship, but it matters more what you do. And it's the little things that really speak volumes to me.

It's frustrating sometimes, because I try to do those little things for people and it seems like they go unnoticed. I've become less sensitive over the years about it, but I cannot change this part of me. I will always do the little things that I think count between two people.

But I don't think B will disregard my actions, big or small. I think she's one of the few people in my life who do notice these things because she's done them for me in the past. That was one of the reasons I wanted to fight to keep her around.

I'm glad she decided to stick around.