A Familiar Feeling

This is the part of the crush I hate the most.

Today I came back to work and on my way down to the floor I saw her walking by. My stomach jumped.

It's the familiar feeling for me. I get it when I'm starting to really like someone. I'm sure we all get it from time to time.

What I don't like about it is what it means: I really do like this woman.

I was off the last few days and spent some time trying to forget about her. I rationalized why it's a bad idea to fall for a woman I work with, especially a superior. I kept telling myself to let these feelings go, that going through with this would end up not-so-great. For either of us. I worked out scenario after scenario, and the end result was my deciding to try and get over it.

I tried to make sense of it all. Yet my heart still won over my mind.

Yes, today, after a few days off, putting forth some effort to really move on, my stomach still jumped inside when I saw her.

My efforts were in vain. No amount of logic would prevail in this battle between the heart and mind. The heart wants what it wants... How true a statement.

My only recourse in the matter is to see it through. To quietly keep my feelings at bay, allowing time to run its course. Eventually I'll get over her. But not today.

At least, that's the message my stubborn heart told me today.

And I realized something: This is the pattern my feelings go through. With every woman-- past and present. And future? Well, we'll see...