Why Am I Surprised?

I hate clubs.

It's a strange twist of irony. I used to work in nightclubs. I used to bartend in them. I use to manage nightclubs. I even want to own one someday.

But I hate going to them.

I don't mind paying for cover. I don't mind paying for drinks. I don't mind paying for a bottle of alcohol.

But I hate waiting in line. I hate being on someone's "list," because it almost never works out. (By the way, people, there is no "list." That's just a scam to get people in early. If the "list" is only for 20 people and you're the 21st, guess what? You're fucked.)

And I hate having to "work things out" with the people who invited me and my friends out, just because one of us arrived a few minutes late.

(...)

I've said it before. PG is a different person when it comes to nightlife. It's like she goes from being a sweet, funny, fun-loving gal at work to a total social bitch. And she pulled the same shit tonight that she did 6 months ago.

I'm not mad that myself and the little group of friends from work I came with were asked to leave. This was because we renegged on buying $550 (2 bottles) worth of alcohol-- this was because PG left our group outside when we were ALL IN LINE TOGETHER!

I'm not mad about that. I was ready to pay a cover charge for us to get in. But I wasn't gonna have a repeat incident like last time-- having to wait outside for over an hour while PG feigns helpless.

So I took a chance and told the doorman we were going to get a table.

It didn't work out. We were asked to leave if we weren't buying any bottles. I even got lectured by the doorman with a bouncer standing right next to me. I just let the kid spout off to me about how he was a drug dealer and I couldn't get one over on him. Yada-yada-yada.

Whatever.

I'm not even upset that PG invited us out and didn't even look out for us getting in. We would have paid the cover. We would have chipped in for the table. But it was our managers, the girls from work, and us.

I'm pissed because she didn't look out for the people who constantly take care of her. The other kid I was with always buys her Starbuck's or Jamba Juice at work. Almost every day. The other guy, who was outside, cuts her hair for free. She and I share lunch almost every day. And guess who were the guys left standing outside?

Why am I surprised, then? Maybe I thought this wasn't going to happen. But she made a choice. Take care of the managers and the girls (they had just come from dinner,) forget the others. I'm pissed because she invited us all out and said we were going to be all right if we got in as a group.

I'm not so surprised. A part of me wants to tear her head off. But she's not worth it. I know come Monday she'll be trying to weasel her way as to how much she tried to get us in, and why couldn't we wait just a little longer, and how I shouldn't have said we were going to get a table.

The truth is she wants to have a lot of friends. But she wants to keep them separated. There are a few of them from work that cross over into her life outside. But it just became clear tonight that I must not be that good of a friend to her.

I have my separate groups of friends, too. But I don't invite you out unless I'm ready to take care of you-- just in case. If you're the last one outside, I'm getting you in. If you've got no money, I'll pay your way. Leave no one behind. But we work this shit out before-hand.

(...)

I guess I should re-evaluate how much PG really means to me. I was *this* close to putting all the other asshole shit behind and willing to give her another shot. And maybe I am taking this all a little too personally, but I just feel that when you're making such an effort with someone it should count for something. And I felt that we were becoming better friends.

Perhaps we're just not meant to be the kind of friends that I deserve to have in my life. And I don't have any more room for half-assed friends anymore.