Chess Game

PG hasn't talked to me all week.

It's been passing glances in the hallways. I haven't said anything to her-- it's her game. Her rules. I dare not break conduct and try and talk to her first.

After the first few hours I began to get the sense that she wasn't talking to me because she thinks it's my move. I got this idea after we passed glances in the shoe room yesterday. It was simple-- we walked toward each other, she looked at me, I looked at her-- we walked by each other, and we walked on. No passing glances back. No interim glances. Just that simple.

The other day, in the middle of an after-work meeting, she was venting about her personal problems. The most I could get from it was that she broke up with her boyfriend of 7 months. The reason she was making a big deal about it was that he was a boyfriend of more than 1 month, and that she "gave it her all." I ignored her (and have been for the whole week,) but, honestly, enough to where I've involuntarily heard all of this.

The real question is whether or not I still love her.


I do.


But why?

Today I saw her. I wondered if she would have a special card for me. I passed her in the room. Nothing. Then I came back 5 minutes later. There was a little card from her. "Fuck," I thought to myself. I love this girl, but I really had to top her...

So I went outside. In freezing weather. To get her the most favorite cupcake she likes. And an apricot tarte. But all of this because I have feelings. For her. I love her.


And I love her still.


Still...


I do not know the answer to that question. All I know is (I think) I still love her. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I can look at her and fall in love. All over again. And every time. I want to understand. But I don't. I want her. All over again... With. All. My. Heart.

But it's a continual game of chess. Who makes the next move? Do I buy her lunch tomorrow (no!)... But does she? Will she want to? Will she anyway?

Does she recognize that I'm waiting for her? In every way? In every moment? In every possibility of embrace?

Too poetic. Too stoic. Too artsy-fartsy for now. Now I sleep. Anew. Awakened...

Adieu!