Things Getting Back To Normal

So today, The Boss wanted to "chat" with me.

It always makes me nervous when she wants to chat. The first thing that ran through my mind was whether or not she found this page and discovered everything I've been writing about her. "Oh God," I thought. "We're gonna have The Discussion. And I'm gonna get fired, because I've made her uncomfortable, and Oh God,..."

I went through all the possible ways I could cover my ass. Deny. Yep. Just deny everything. It's not my blog. I've been vague. I didn't write those things. I'll just delete everything when I get home.

Then I remembered that we have never had a bad chat. No, almost every time it's been about work and how I've been making her look good lately, and perhaps this chat is about something that would be nice...

We sat down after a spell and she started talking. It was about work. And I've been asked to make a presentation before her (our) superiors over the things I do with clients. She went on and on, just smiling and talking. Like our previous conversations relating to this, she turned from the flirty, sexy, winky boss to more of a proud mother. What's funny is that I could sense the detachment she makes. And as we talked, I started to feel as if this crush I've been having was fading away, lost under a more professional relationship, although I was thinking about how pretty she was today, and how her smile is so beguiling, and how her neckline was so seductive in her v-neck blouse.

She offered to talk outside of work, after I get back from vacation, perhaps over a coffee or something. I thought no, let's not. But I didn't answer. This could be a window. A window to get to know her better.

I left the meeting and had a cigarette. The sun was nice and warm outside on the terrace.

Then, later in the day, she came on the floor and I saw her talking with other people from the office. I sent her a message telling her how much I was glad she was nuts. She then replied, "That's why u love me."

And it's true. That is why I do. She's silly and accessible. Tangible. Those are qualities I find so attractive in a woman. Someone who can take me out of my serious self and bring out this silly little kid I have in me, even for a moment. And I realized that is the dynamic which puts her above all the other women in my life for the moment. She's like a little kid, too, and she is not afraid to share that.

I think, though, that for the most part things are back to the way they used to be. I left today not wanting her, not thinking about how much I may be thinking about her over this trip. Even after her saying she will miss me, and the kiss on the cheek, I left feeling right as rain.

This is how it's supposed to be, I thought.